Ex-Gay Watch

(Note: The relevant texts to this episode can be found here (adb/pdf)), and/or you can view the whole thing here.)

With that, we begin.

Dr. David Kyle Foster is the producer and co-host of a show called “Pure Passion.”:

David founded Mastering Life Ministries in 1987 and has been its director ever since. He is also the producer and host of “Pure Passion” – a televised outreach designed to equip the church to redemptively minister to those who are trapped in sexual sin and brokenness. … The goal of the program is to tell the world of God’s grace and love through Jesus Christ and His power to set anyone free from any sin or bondage.

Foster has a series of articles on homosexuality, rife with all the stale yet vicious antigay talking points:

Kyle Foster, 2008: The reality [of homosexuality] is a dramatically reduced life expectancy and the likelihood of contracting hepatitis, AIDS, or one of a host of diseases and infections, as a result of the unnatural perversity of homosexual activity.

Suicide among homosexuals is epidemic, not because society disapproves, as many would have you believe, but because these dear people feel trapped and condemned into a lifestyle and orientation that they know is out of whack.
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And the faithfully monogamous gay couple myth – not even close. Such relationships are statistically nonexistent in the gay community.

On December 21st, 2009, the host of the show was Jayson Graves, a board member of Exodus International:

Welcome to Pure Passion. I’m Jayson Graves, and I’m your host for today’s program.

Today we have a man who has lived with the HIV virus for almost 30 years. His name is Jonathan Hunter, and since 1985 he’s been the director of a ministry to those with the AIDS virus, called “Embracing Life.”

After overdosing on drugs, he also had an after-death experience which utterly changed his life.

In my opinion, this episode exploited Jonathan Hunter’s near-death experience (NDE) in an attempt to convince their audience that there is now eye-witness testimony—proving once and for all—that Jesus Christ Himself is anti-gay.
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Lisa Miller has missed the deadline to hand over custody of Isabella, her daughter with ex-partner Janet Jenkins. A judge had ordered her to do so by 1 pm EST today. Miller and Isabella have both been missing for weeks.

[Vermont Family Court Judge William] Cohen awarded custody to Jenkins on Nov. 20 after finding Miller in contempt of court for denying Jenkins access to the girl. The judge said the only way to ensure equal access to the child was to switch custody.

But Cohen also noted that it appeared Miller had stopped speaking to her attorneys and “disappeared” with the child.

Miller’s last known address is in Forest, Va. A telephone number listed for her at that address rang unanswered Friday.

Jenkins has asked for anybody who spots Isabella to please contact the authorities.

An ex-gay Christian woman is missing with her seven-year-old daughter after a judge ruled her former partner should be given custody.

Lisa Miller gave birth to Isabella in 2002, by artificial insemination, two years into a civil union with lesbian partner Janet Jenkins. In 2003, Miller ended the partnership, taking her child with her. She became an evangelical Christian and renounced lesbianism, refusing Jenkins visitation rights. She demanded child support payments, however.

Due to Miller’s ongoing refusals, which constituted contempt of court, a Vermont Family Court judge granted Jenkins full custody (PDF link) of Isabella in November 2009. Jenkins says she intends to allow Miller “as liberal contact as possible” with her daughter. She was to be handed over on January 1st, 2010.

Now, however, Miller and her daughter have not been seen in a month, prompting fears that the handover will not occur.

Miller has claimed that there is a “homosexual agenda” at work, and her daughter “is a pawn in their game.” She said Isabella was “saved” at the age of four and she denies hating Janet, saying she prays “for her soul and her salvation.”

In a 2008 interview with right-wing Christian website LifeSiteNews, Miller made a number of claims about Jenkins, accusing her of verbal and physical abuse towards her and neglect of the child. There were also none-too-subtle insinuations of sexual abuse, since Jenkins reportedly took a naked bath with the child, and Isabella had started “openly masturbating.”

Evidently Judge William Cohen saw nothing in the charges, since he ruled in favor of custody. But with Miller and her daughter having disappeared, will it ever happen?

A couple of generations have passed since Stonewall, and more and more people are acting upon Harvey Milk’s declaration that the closet is the biggest enemy to the queer community. This not only includes those who are gay and lesbian, but those who are children of gay and lesbian couples.

A recent article interviews several of these children, now adults, and how their family structure affected their childhood and well-being.

Opponents claim that raising a child in a home lacking in a parent of either gender will cause the child to become psychologically damaged, experiment more with their sexuality, and grow up “missing” the parent of the gender not present in their lives. They even go so far as claiming that gays and lesbians who adopt children are engaging in a selfish act; treating their child as a “trophy.” The members of the LGBTQ community have long spoken out against such claims, and indeed no mainstream medical organization in America can point to definitive proof that such negative consequences occur with same-sex parenting. But it isn’t just members of the gay community that are fed up with such questions: the children themselves are tired of it.

While many grew up hiding the families they dearly loved from bullies at school, they are now writing memoirs and speaking out about their experiences. It turns out that the children of gay parents are as varied as the children of straight parents. Jesse Levey, a heterosexual republican who believes in “family values,” is fighting for his lesbian moms’ right to marry. Growing up he did not feel sexually confused; nor did he miss having a dad in his life. He was never lacking in male role models, and his mothers were able to provide all the typically “male” activities their son loved, such as hiking or having a catch.

As acceptance grows for gay couples and more and more people personally know someone who is gay, so too is acceptance growing for the children of those couples. Waning are the stereotypes of the damaged, confused child of gays.

Some children of same-sex couples say their upbringing actually makes them psychologically stronger.

Abigail Garner, author of “Families Like Mine: Children of Gay Parents Tell It Like It is,” calls her upbringing a “fabulous gift.” She is the daughter of two gay dads and a straight mom.

She says her interviews with other children of gay or lesbian parents showed that those who shared her upbringing tend to be more empathetic and unafraid to take unpopular stands.

In fact, the ones making children sexually confused are those seeking to spread misinformation and stereotypes about gays:

Some of the same children, though, face more difficulties dealing with questions about their sexual orientation. Garner, 37, who identifies as heterosexual, says some repress their sexuality because they don’t want to give ammunition to their parents’ critics.

“I know story after story of children who started to question their sexuality but stayed quiet about it out of fear that the truth would reflect poorly on their parents,” Garner says.

So those seeking to “protect the children” are in fact harming them with their rhetoric. Such children bare the brunt of sexual confusion because they are trying to protect the parents they deeply care for.

The only negative voice in the article is that of Dale O’Leary, a Catholic who believes children can only be raised healthfully in a one-man-one-woman marriage. Not surprisingly, she admits that she does not personally know any same-sex couples or their children. O’Leary spouts off the same tired stereotypes about the children of gay couples, but tides are turning for the side of the LGBTQ community.

…according to COLAGE (Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere). At least 10 million people have one or more lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender parent.

And more and more people are getting to know those couples and children.

The Iowa Supreme Court has just issued a landmark, unanimous ruling in Varnum v. Brien, a case involving six same-sex couples who sought and were denied marriage licenses in Iowa.

Consequently, the language in Iowa Code section 595.2 limiting civil marriage to a man and a woman must be stricken from the statute, and the remaining statutory language must be interpreted and applied in a manner allowing gay and lesbian people full access to the institution of civil marriage.

The ruling will go into effect in 21 days. Unless lawmakers immediately take up the matter, the earliest time for opposition action would be 2012.

Full Court Opinion.

Source: Des Moines Register

Mike Ensley’s article in the latest issue of Charisma Magazine illustrates everything that is wrong with Exodus and the ex-gay movement. In What to Do When Your Child Is Gay, Exodus’s “Youth Analyst” warns parents against trying to control their teenage children – and yet achieves a more subtle manipulation through misinformation.

Unfortunately, while aiming to help parents deal with their child’s homosexuality, labelling it a “problem” is the problem in itself. By making sexual orientation (“same-sex attraction,” in his terminology) into an issue to be rectified, Ensley and those who share his ideology are the problem, and consistently defining homosexuality as a “struggle,” rather than a simple reality, is what makes it a struggle.

“Realize homosexuality can afflict any family,” are the first of Ensley’s words of advice to parents of SSA children, thereby tagging gay orientation with yet another negative label, “affliction.” He continues: “You need [support and resources] because you’re suffering, and your wounds matter simply because you matter.” Such words have a veneer of compassion, but ultimately they legitimize the characterization of homosexuality as an affliction, without ever questioning why it should be so, or whether those negative perceptions are the crux of the problem itself. Read more…

XGW previously reported that the Love In Action Refuge youth program had been discontinued. In a recent press release, Love In Action reported that it has returned with a new name, Family Freedom Intensive. Unlike Refuge, this new incarnation will not be residential.

The Family Freedom Intensive involves a four-day schedule of group interaction and individual family meetings designed to help parents better understand the sexual issues their teen is experiencing while equipping them with healthier and more effective communication tools. Should a teenager decide they would like to be included in their parents’ process, we will work to faciliate [sic] that request.

The removal of the live-in aspect mixing of youth and adult attendees appears to be a follow through on a promise by Exodus president Alan Chambers. In a post to his personal blog from March of this year, Chambers responded to an issue brought up in his appearance on the Montel Williams Show.

I hate that [Lance Carroll], a 16 year old with no prior homosexual (or sexual for that matter) experiences was put into groups with adults, especially an adult that was a convicted sex offender. I stated on air that I believe that is wrong and I will follow through on seeing that a policy is enacted and enforced within any Exodus Member Ministry that works with youth.

The statement “should a teenager decide they would like to be included…” from the LIA press release seems to indicate that they will no longer take youth against their will. While this does seem to be a positive step, one must ask how free a teenager would feel to object. We know all to well, some from personal experience, that some of these kids are threatened by their parents with losing privileges, college funding, even shelter and their love.Will LIA make an effort to determine if this kind of coercion has taken place even if the youth seems to be willing?

Correction (3:06 pm):

As Peterson Toscano pointed out, Refuge, though often reported as such, was not residential. It was, however, and intensive 2-8 week program aimed at teens under 18 who attended sessions with adult members of the LIA residential program (now called “The Source”). It was during this intermixing of youth from Refuge, and adults from The Source which led to the problems (brought to light by Peterson Toscano earlier this year) to which Alan Chambers was responding in his blog quoted above.

From the archived version of the LIA/R site:

Refuge was developed to coincide with The Source, our 3 month residential program for men and women who struggle with sexual addiction and obsessive relationships. Therefore, the same tools and skills will be used in this group that have proved to be such an asset in the adult program. Some joint sessions will occur with the clients of The Source to allow additional input and perspectives into the lives of these young men. In addition to group sessions, participants in Refuge will be offered individual sessions as necessary, recreational opportunities with the other clients, as well as an atmosphere of accountability and support. [Emphasis Added]

Family Freedom Intensive can’t be accurately called Refuge with a new name, because the former is only a 4 day program, aimed mostly at parents, and apparently only involves the youth if they so desire (caveats listed above still apply).

The title of this post has been changed to correct the inaccuracy. The original title was “Ex-Gay Boot Camp Youth Program Returns, No Longer Residential.” We apologize for these errors.

Not long ago, the White House issued a picture of Vice President Dick Cheney and his wife holding their new grandchild, Samuel David Cheney. Samuel is the child of the Cheney’s daughter Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe.

As we reported, ex-gay Stephen Bennett was so incensed that the White House would refer to the Cheney’s daughter and her partner as the parents that he issued a press release which stated emphatically that only biological parents were “REAL” parents. [emphasis in original] This prompted a principled rebuke from Exodus president Alan Chambers, the adoptive father of two children, and a less than adult counter comment by Bennett here on XGW.

For his part, Bennett wrote an after the fact post on his blog trying to explain that only same-sex parents were a sinful charade, saying this exonerated him from Chamber’s (and our) claims. He never did explain why this clarification was in an obscure section of his website and not in the press release itself.

Now it appears that Bennett isn’t so convinced of the worth of adoptive parents after all. He has made a similar statement in yesterday’s entry of his blog, the subject of which is the recent same-sex marriage vote in Massachusetts.

The Goodridge lesbians – plantiffs [sic] who started this “gay” marriage mess – broke up an left one another only two years after saying, “I do.”

Obviously — they didn’t and a ten year old girl was left in the wake of these self-centered lesbians’ destruction, while she has a REAL father somewhere, out there.

Just because the government is pandering to the P-Town crowd mentality, real marriage has been degraded and devalued and “playing house” has been elevated to “legal” status.

Again, emphasis on the “REAL” father, i.e. the biological father. Certainly after the ordeal two weeks ago Bennett should be aware of how callous it is for him to keep emphasizing the idea that biological parents are the only “REAL” parents — regardless of his opinion of same-sex relationships.

Bennett also makes sport of the fact that the couple’s relationship ended after two years, calling them “self-centered lesbians” and cracking a sarcastic joke about their vows. No one should have to point out the fact that same-sex couples are not behind the overwhelming popularity of no-fault divorce in this country. Marriages can and do fail, sometimes after only a brief time. It’s unfortunate to say the least, but it is not a gay or lesbian issue.

Source: Peterson Toscano’s A Musing

No one has perfect parents, and parents and their adult children need to talk about past hurts and family issues, but often without any trained counselors, after only a few days of group therapy, ex-gay program leaders have pushed parents and their sons and daughters into conflict and crisis. The “therapy” sessions have caused a deep rift in the relationships and have wounded the parents. The parents left feeling confused, condemned and brokenhearted.

In his recent post, Peterson Toscano discusses the often devastating effects ex-gay programs can have on the parents of the participants. So often these programs present a rigid theory of causation (ala Dr. Joseph Nicolosi and others) which places the parents own personality or behavior at the center of their child’s homosexuality.

Here is part of an account told later by Toscano’s younger sister about a time when their parents came home from a meeting at Love In Action:

…our parents returned home from the Family and Friends Weekend, they were devastated. They didn’t eat right or look right. They acted sad and depressed. This went on for weeks. My sister felt so concerned that she actually called Love in Action and asked, “What did you do to my parents?!” She felt frustrated by the lack of concern or comprehension she encountered from the staff.

You can read the entire post here.

Perhaps taking his cue from Exodus’s increasing involvement in US politics, British ex-gay James Parker has weighed in on the UK’s new Sexual Orientation Regulations. The SORs are an attempt to apply the same anti-discrimination laws to gays and lesbians that already apply to race and gender because of the Equality Act 2006. Under these rules, a hotel, say, cannot refuse a room to a couple simply because they are gay; businesses and services must be equally open to straights and gays. By the same token, of course, a gay bar cannot refuse service to straight people. After failing a challenge in the House of Lords, the regulations became UK law on Wednesday last week.

The most discussed consequence of the regulations has been the demand that Catholic adoption agencies no longer refuse to place children with gay parents. After much controversy, the Labour Government announced that there would be no exemptions.

Self-described “post-gay” Rev Peter Ould has rightly supported rules outlawing discrimination on the grounds of sexuality, and has condemned Christians who would deny gays and lesbians equal rights to services. He has been outspoken in criticizing the regulations for threatening freedom of speech, however, arguing that there is no protection against Christians who preach the “biblical” message of condemnation for homosexual acts. Acknowledging that priests and ordained leaders are specifically exempt, he is worried that lay Christians will find themselves being criminalized for condemning homosexuality.

And, of course, there have been the outright extremists, such as the group who made the outrageous claim that the new regulations would force schools to use graphic sexual images to teach 6-year-olds how to experiment sexually with each other’s bodies. (You can read a full transcript here.)

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