Ex-Gay Watch

The founder of a Brazilian group that claims to heal homosexuals has come out against them in an interview with the “Flying Teapot Project” blog.

The English and philosophy teacher, also a theologian, Sergio Viula, 42, born and resident in Rio de Janeiro, was one of the founders of the Movement for the Healthy Sexuality (MOSES), an evangelical NGO which helps people interested in quitting homosexuality.

He tells a tale familiar to that of John Smid, who recently came out against Exodus. Viula recounts how he got married and had children, only to admit that his attraction to men never went away. In fact, according to him, no gay person had ever succeeded in changing their orientation.

[Interviewer] Didn’t you ever get convinced that you had become ex-gay? Did you ever know that you were deceiving yourself?

[Viula] Today I know that I was deceiving myself. But back then, I thought that every sentiment or attraction was a mere case of ‘temptation’ and that it could be overcome with prayer and dedication to god. In the group, we used to think, basically speaking, that being gay was a sin, which should be confessed and abandoned and, therefore, we would proselytize, counsel, pray, preach, recommend certain books, read the Bible – things that believers usually do, but focusing on homosexuality itself … I worked 18 years totals with the church, MOSES started in 1997. In 2003 I was out. I spent about seven years within the group.

Viula is left with much anger toward the ex-gay industry, and tells of MOSES’ utterly abysmal success rate:

Nobody really quit being gay. There were relationships even within the group, between an activity and another, they would always find time for that. Can you figure out how much suffering to myself and to all of those who have already worked or been influenced by this kind of ‘ministry’? That’s enraging! And there are people repeating that stupid discourse until today.

After Smid and former Exodus Global Alliance counselor Paul Martin, Viula is the third ex-ex-gay leader to come out recently against the movement. The dominoes seem to be falling.

H/T commenter James

When an ex-gay survivor shares an account of how they tried to change or suppress their orientation or gender non-conforming behavior, some gays and lesbians respond–That’s CRAZY! Why would you ever do something that STUPID!

Indeed, it may seem illogical that intelligent queer folk living in modern times get duped by promises of heterosexuality or vaguer promises of “change.” Some just chalk it up to that Old Time Religion that makes people do silly and self-destructive things. But it’s not that simple.

After spending nearly twenty years deeply entrenched in the ex-gay world, attending multiple Exodus programs, including the Love in Action residential facility for two years, I finally came to my senses and came out of the closet. I then began to ask myself–WHY did you do that to yourself? Why did you let ex-gay ministers and gay reparative therapists tamper with you.

The over arching reason was that I was a Christian and felt that being gay was incompatible with my faith. Strangely, my close reading of the Bible didn’t cause a similar strange reaction in regards to my finances and Biblical  justice for the poor.  It took time and effort, but I have unearthed several other reasons.

Here’s a selected short list from a much longer one.

• Desire to marry and have children
• Fear of loneliness as I grew old
• HIV/AIDS and other STDs that I assumed I would get if I came out gay
• Misinformation of what it meant to be gay
• The desire to fit in with everyone, to feel “normal”
• Pressure from society through virtually every film, TV show, pop song and commercial proclaiming that the heterosexual life was the idealized norm without showing any alternatives

I recently began a discussion with other ex-gay survivors about the reasons they tried to alter their sexuality, gender presentation, or gender identity. To help dig into the question, I prompted them:

Think about the point in time when you began to seek out ex-gay treatment. Then ask: “During that time, if I suddenly woke up the next day 100% heterosexual/gender normative, how would my life be different? How would my relationships be different? How would my future be different? How would my career be different?”

Here is a sampling of what folks had to say to the question, Why did you try to change?

Juli–Guilt. Never cared about god (or believed), but knew my parents would be ashamed and feel responsible (and ashamed for being responsible). Forty years and three marriages, and I still have to remind myself at least once a day they were wrong.

Derek–I was always the “good kid” so the thought of being gay didn’t mesh well with who I felt I was or more what others thought I should be. Faith, family, a desire for what was modeled as normalcy were blanket reasons.

Gail Dickert–I was highly motivated by the fear of hell and the idealism of hetero-supremacy that was proclaimed in my churches and especially in Bible College (Bridal College, as it was referred to by the women in search of their perfect husbands).  [Gail is the author of Coming Out of the Closet without Coming Apart at the Seams]

Jane–am beginning to believe that underneath my own desire to de-gay was the belief that I wasn’t the right kind of woman. At some level, because of the reparative therapy model, I’ve conflated my sexuality and gender. I know they’re separate – but there are place inside my head where they are still connected.

Brian G. Murphy–I never had any formal ex-gay experiences but did try to will myself to be straight.
If I were straight, I could have an attractive girlfriend… If I were straight I could be the cool, sexy, fun guy that everyone wanted to be with or be like. If I were straight I would be accepted by my peers at church. If I were accepted I could work for YoungLife. Funny, it took me years to realize that all those things could be true if I just changed the world instead of myself. So now I’m trying.

Autumn Sandeen–I know my motivation for identifying “ex-transvestite” in the 70′s & 80′s was “I want to be normal.” I didn’t want to be seen as a freak, and being a transvestite (the term for crossdresser back then that now in the 2010′s is seen as a pejorative) or a transsexual was in my mind back then were synonymous for gender freak.

Carl–My desire to be str8 was kind of drawn out and kind of complicated. Initially, I wanted to be str8 for secular reasons, fitting into society, being accepted etc. It wasn’t until later on that I veered towards religious reasons. I had been deeply involved with drugs and alcohol (habits I picked up in the Navy to try and hide my being gay) One night I had a seizure, and that is what eventually got me on the road to becoming “born again”. It was after that that I learned all about the evils of homosexuality from a fundamentalist view, and it was then that my reasons for wanting to be str8 changed from secular to religious. I spent many years vacillating between trying to be str8 and just being gay.

Amanda–I guess there is a factor that I maybe wasn’t aware of then, but am now… I have… an extensive abuse history and I thought that maybe that broke me forever and that is why I can’t be with men or am more drawn to women… and being broken sucks… so I was hoping if I practiced more or could learn to be more attracted to men and more of a “woman” that it might mean that I wasn’t completely broken…

Amanda’s response got me thinking about the twisted effects abuse can have on someone that make them fall prey to the attentions of ex-gay leaders. For me, childhood abuse was one of the compelling yet elusive reasons to seek out help from the ex-gays. I developed a complicated relationship with my body and sexuality. I lived with toxic levels of shame. I felt dirty and broken and believed something was fundamentally wrong with me. That played right into lots of ex-gay theories. Being abused did not make me gay, but it caused me to be ashamed of my sexuality, afraid of it, troubled by it.Sadly, I never received the help I needed from Christian counselors, Exodus, and gay reparative therapists. I finally turned to trained professionals.

For the last seven years of my ex-gay odyssey I was married to a woman. After our marriage imploded, I enrolled myself into Love in Action. I valued the marriage and I genuinely loved my wife, although I did not desire her sexually. At that time I would have done anything to have her back in my life. She was smart enough to not take me back.

Did you try to change or suppress your orientation, identity, or gender presentation? What were some of the reasons that compelled you?

TWO reports that one of their board members, the Rev. Jerry Stephenson, is starting a new ex-gay survivor group in Fort Lauderdale, Florida:

I am starting an Ex-Ex-Gay Group called GOD’S WORTHY CREATION with Atlantic Institute Spiritual Counseling Center to help gays and lesbians know that they are wonderfully made as they are in God’s wonderful creation.  We seek to bring healing to those coming out of the Ex-Gay Movement. Call us at 954-632-1529 or email us at JeryLSt@aol.com

Stephenson has also authored the books “Out of the Closet and into the Light” and “Overcoming Obstacles in Life and Coming Out On Top.”

(Note: The relevant texts to this episode can be found here (adb/pdf)), and/or you can view the whole thing here.)

With that, we begin.

Dr. David Kyle Foster is the producer and co-host of a show called “Pure Passion.”:

David founded Mastering Life Ministries in 1987 and has been its director ever since. He is also the producer and host of “Pure Passion” – a televised outreach designed to equip the church to redemptively minister to those who are trapped in sexual sin and brokenness. … The goal of the program is to tell the world of God’s grace and love through Jesus Christ and His power to set anyone free from any sin or bondage.

Foster has a series of articles on homosexuality, rife with all the stale yet vicious antigay talking points:

Kyle Foster, 2008: The reality [of homosexuality] is a dramatically reduced life expectancy and the likelihood of contracting hepatitis, AIDS, or one of a host of diseases and infections, as a result of the unnatural perversity of homosexual activity.

Suicide among homosexuals is epidemic, not because society disapproves, as many would have you believe, but because these dear people feel trapped and condemned into a lifestyle and orientation that they know is out of whack.
–
And the faithfully monogamous gay couple myth – not even close. Such relationships are statistically nonexistent in the gay community.

On December 21st, 2009, the host of the show was Jayson Graves, a board member of Exodus International:

Welcome to Pure Passion. I’m Jayson Graves, and I’m your host for today’s program.

Today we have a man who has lived with the HIV virus for almost 30 years. His name is Jonathan Hunter, and since 1985 he’s been the director of a ministry to those with the AIDS virus, called “Embracing Life.”

After overdosing on drugs, he also had an after-death experience which utterly changed his life.

In my opinion, this episode exploited Jonathan Hunter’s near-death experience (NDE) in an attempt to convince their audience that there is now eye-witness testimony—proving once and for all—that Jesus Christ Himself is anti-gay.
Read more…

For about the past year, Exodus V.P. Randy Thomas has been slowly transitioning from using the term “ex-gay” to describe himself to the term “post-gay.” He has since taken over the Exodus Blog, and the term “ex-gay” is rarely found. Articles having to do with ex-gay issues are now tagged “post-gay,” and the term has replaced “ex-gay” to describe people who are trying to go from gay to straight – or, at least, less gay. In a recent post on the Exodus blog, Randy takes pride in having adopted a term for himself that is, according to the Huffington Post, “avant-garde.” That’s quite a change from “conservative,” a term used to describe ideology labeled “ex-gay.” But Randy’s “post-gay” and the Huffington Post’s “post-gay” are not the same.

Peter Ould has been using “post-gay” to define his sexual identity for much longer than Randy, and the term as used by them can be defined with the  following:

I think the main problem with ex-gay is that it is an ontological statement. It presents, intentionally or not, the one who calls himself as ex-gay as one who’s sexual orientation has changed from gay to straight. He/she is claiming to have gone from one state of being (gay) to another (straight). And while that is the case for many who are ex-gay, for others it isn’t so clear. For some their sexual desires move more towards those of the opposite sex but not to a point where they are exclusively heterosexual in their attractions.

…

The alternative is “post-gay”. Post-gay isn’t an ontological statement, it’s a vectorial statement. For those uninitiated in the deeper arcane magicks of mathematics, a vector is simply a description of a direction and magnitude. It describes a movement, not a position (which is ontology). Post-gay then is less about being straight or gay and rather about a choice of a journey.

Perhaps a personal example to clarify. I’m post-gay because I chose to leave “gay” behind. I chose to no longer accept “gay” as an explanation of who I was and instead to begin a journey away from it. I chose to do so because I was convinced from the Scriptures that “gay” wasn’t a suitable way to describe myself, that it wasn’t a valid way for a Christian to establish identity.

The term “post-gay” isnt’ new. And it wasn’t created by Christians who were unsuccessful at changing their sexual orientation from gay to straight. It stems from Queer Theory. About.com’s “gay life” portal defines post-gay as:

Term used to describe same-gender-loving individuals that do not identify or associate with mainstream gay culture.

A brief Google search returns mostly results that use the term in this context. The only one that clearly stands out is a result that leads to the Exodus Blog.

Performance artist and gay activist Peterson Toscano has written about the adoption of “post-gay,” referencing Glen Retief, a professor at Susquehanna University:

What ["post-gay"] means is that sexual orientation is no longer seen as important to psychological self-definition, because the equality and legitimacy of same-sex and opposite-sex intimacies, physical and emotional, have become so taken for granted that sexual orientation is not even worth noticing anymore.

The key point is here is that until you let go of heterosexism (not just homophobia), you can try as hard as you like to be “post-gay” but you won’t succeed.  Let’s say, for example, same-sex attraction is a temptation to sin, whereas an opposite-sex attraction is not a temptation to sin when it occurs in the context of heterosexual marriage.  From this it follows there is no way same-sex desire can be equally valuable to a human being as opposite-sex desire.  Let’s be real here: one can be channeled into God’s form of expression, while the other cannot; one may help you fulfil God’s will, the other will never do so, at least not in the same straightforward way.

To sum that up a bit, “post-gay” was coined to refer to an ideology that sees each sexual orientation – homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, and asexual – as being equally valid forms of human expression, and therefor not worth segregating with labels. But Randy, Peter, and Exodus couple the term with an ideology in which same-sex attraction is inferior to opposite-sex attraction, falling short of their Christian Biblical ideal – and in doing so they obliterate that inherent equality.

Rather than “vectoral,” the term “post-gay” is indeed “ontological,” because it describes a nature of being: a way of being in which sexual orientation no longer exists in the context of a hierarchy, as it does with Exodus. Ex-gays – or, at least, people who no longer wish to be considered same-sex attracted – might find “post-gay” appealing because it is used by people who consider “gay” a term that suffocates their human identity. People like Randy don’t want the term “gay” applied to them, and in fact loudly proclaim they are no longer “gay-identified,” but can’t go without using a label because openly identifying as “not gay anymore” (however you choose to express it in words) is too important to their “journey in Christ.”

Several ex-gay survivors – people who went through ex-gay therapy but ultimately found it unsuccessful and came out as gay – have been profiled recently by various media outlets. Jacob Wilson, Vince Cervantes, and Daniel Gonzales have been interviewed by Edge Magazine, a gay magazine in Boston, MA. In the article they talk about reasons they went into ex-gay treatment and what harm it did them. 23-year-old Bryce Faulkner’s disappearance into the ex-gay world sparked all sorts of debates about how possible coercion by his conservative Christian family may have played a role in his decision to enter into an ex-gay ministry. Faulkner is clearly a legal adult in America but it was acknowledged that financially he is still dependent on his family’s help. Wilson, who was also a legal adult when he voluntarily entered an ex-gay program, describes the pressure he felt that drove him to the decision:

Jacob Wilson, now 23 and living in Ames, Iowa, was 19 when he left his family and friends behind to enter a Love in Action camp in Memphis, Tenn., hundreds of miles from his then-home in Missouri. He was part of the camp during the same time 16-year-old Zachary Stark received national attention for being forced to attend a similar camp.

Though Wilson denies being forced into the program, he said coercion still had an impact on his decision. His pastor encouraged him to apply for the program once other members of his congregation found out he’d been dating an area preacher. His parents helped foot the bill for the program.

“When I told my parents I was gay, they didn’t take it well, to say it lightly,” Wilson said. “They were all for [the camp] if it could fix me so they encouraged me.”

“I was at the lowest point in my life, the most depressed I’d ever been,” he continued. “I realized, once I got into the program, that this was a common theme. They had all lost everything that’d meant something to them.”

Cervantes, who was interviewed by XGW last year, entered into ex-gay therapy without his family’s knowledge. He even consented to an exorcism, but realized nothing was going to change his sexual orientation. He will appear in an episode of the “Tyra Banks Show” in the fall, where he talks about his experiences.

Daniel Gonzales, who has made videos about his experiences in ex-gay therapy that have been viewed hundreds of thousands of times, describes taking the “secular” ex-gay route under NARTH‘s Joseph Nicolosi.

“The idea was that the same-sex attractions were caused by a broken sense of masculinity and lack of self-confidence. You’re attracted to other guys embodying the characteristics you’re lacking,” Gonzales described. “When you’re so desperate to try and change, you’re willing to believe it.”

James Stabile, who made news after claiming to be “cured” of his homosexuality after participating in a “Purity Siege,” was touted by the 700 Club as a success story. He later came out as gay and apologized for his appearance on the show.In an interview with Dallas Voice, he talks about his three month experience at Pure Life Ministries, where he staged a kiss with another man in his therapy group so that he could be kicked out. He announced on June 20th that he was starting “Love Actually,” a local community that gives people leaving ex-gay programs a place to go and feel welcome.

Wilson, Cervantes, Gonzales, and Stabile all found a welcoming place at the online Beyond Ex-Gay community. Former ex-gay Peterson Toscano reports that Beyond Ex-Gay co-founder Christine Bakke has been working on a social networking portion of the site to better connect people recovering from ex-gay therapy.  Toscano has also stated that thanks to ex-gay survivors, many mainstream media sources have been taking notice of the ineffectiveness of such “therapy.”

The growing ex-gay survivor movement has drastically altered the way in which all of the media cover ex-gay stories. Previously, a typical news piece would begin with the question, “Can gay people change?” and then go on to offer a point-counterpoint debate on the issue. Now, with so many ex-gay survivors telling their stories on-line, there’s been a shift in the handling of ex-gay stories. One recent story began with the more skeptical opener, “Some faith-based programs say that they can cure gays and lesbians,” and went on to describe how one woman’s life was almost destroyed by ex-gay therapy.

Since the emergence of the ex-gay survivor movement, mainstream media outlets such as The New York Times, Glamour, People, The Times of London, Good Morning America, and The Tyra Banks Show have all done stories that featured ex-gay survivors. Meanwhile, spokespeople for ex-gay programs have been forced to publicly admit that making a gay person straight is not actually possible, and now they’re on the defensive as they face questions about the potential harm that can result from their programs.

In a recent post on his blog, Peterson Toscano explains why he describes himself as an ex-gay survivor but not as a victim:

In the nearly 20 years of ex-gay/anti-gay/de-gay treatment I endured, no one ever forced me to do any of it. I chose to submit myself to the unsound and potentially damaging practices designed to demonize and annihilate my sexuality (and much of my personality and gender differences along with it). I elected to go into these programs. I paid for them with my own money (except for when I turned to my parents or others to help with the expenses). I put myself into the ex-gay/anti-gay mess and I KEPT myself in that mess for nearly two decades.

While there are certainly exceptions to this rule, the truth is that most of the GLBT individuals who have gone through ex-gay programs (including this writer) did so voluntarily.  Admitting that does not diminish the harm that churches, peers, family members and the attitudes of society in general caused in leading us to believe that we needed to change who we were in the first place, but it does empower us to take control of our own stories.

We may not be able to change the past, but we can change how our past affects our present, and in so doing free ourselves to live fuller, healthier lives.  In the process, we may just inspire some of those who now face the same pressures to be “normal” to avoid making the same mistakes.

Christian musician Ray Boltz comes out of the closet.

Ex-gay Gregory Quinlan responds to Boltz by distorting the work of geneticist Francis Collins.

British Christian superstar Cliff Richard speaks out in favor of gay marriage.

Psychologist Jesse Bering examines some of the theories about the origins of homosexuality.

Peter LaBarbera comments on the Folsom Street Fair, inventing a “conversation” between two gay parents to prove some kind of point. No definitive answer on whether he’ll make a cameo appearance.

A local Christian reports on Love Won Out’s Anchorage show.

September is the release month for several items that may be of interest to the XGW community:

 -Peterson Toscano’s recently retired stage show, Doin’ Time in the Homo No Mo’ Halfway House, is now available on DVD.

-Save Me, the ex-gay-themed movie starring Chad Allen, is being screened in selected cities over the next two months. The release schedule is posted here.

-Regular XGW readers will remember Patrick Chapman from his critique of the Jones-Yarhouse study last year.  Dr. Chapman’s new book, Thou Shalt Not Love: What Evangelicals Really Say to Gays, is being released by Haiduk Press later this month.

-Candace Chellew-Hodge, editor of Whosoever magazine, has also written a book.  Bulletproof Faith: A Spiritual Survival Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians is now available through Amazon.com.

Ex-gay, ex-Exodus leader Anthony Falzarano believes God may have caused a lesbian’s partner to die of breast cancer in order to chastise her.

Falzarano, the founder of PFOX, told former ex-gay Darlene Bogle that God may have been trying to teach her something by taking away her gay partner of 15 years, Des. In a comment posted to the Beyond Ex-Gay website, Falzarano wrote:

Darlene, I’m glad I ran across your blog. I still miss you. I am sorry to hear that your lover died of breast-cancer. Darlene is God sending you a message? Please consider coming back to Exodus. You are loved and missed. Why would God call you back to lesbianism, give you a lover and then take her away. I’m sorry that you are going through this. My heart is breaking right now but I believe that you belong to the Lord and “He chastizes [sic] the one’s that he loves”. I believe He is calling you back. If you want to talk I am here to listen. Please call me at [number removed] if you want to talk. May God Bless You, Anthony Falzarano

What kind of mind tells a person they are “loved and missed,” before suggesting that the tragic death of her lover was a message from God? Someone who believes in a very manipulative God. But this is just the first of Falzarano’s odd beliefs. From the above comments, he apparently also believes he is still part of Exodus. Not so, according to Exodus President Alan Chambers, who told Ex-Gay Watch:

Falzarano was removed from Exodus in 1998 [and] was banned from our conferences. I allowed him to come to one in 2005 and he was kicked out and will never be allowed back. His check also bounced for that conference.

Having firmly disassociated himself from Falzarano, however, it must be said that Chambers’s attitude towards Darlene Bogle hasn’t always been gracious, either. When Bogle publicly apologized for misleading others in her days as an ex-gay leader, Chambers was quick to accuse her of hurting him by her “decision to go back into homosexuality,” and called on her and others to apologize to him and other ex-gays who were made “disappointed and mad” by her exit.

Hat-tip to Peterson Toscano, who writes more about Bogle’s response here.