Ex-Gay Watch

A feature-length film aims to tell the story of American teenagers sent to an evangelical Christian boarding school, Escuala Caribe, in the Dominican Republic. According to its website, the school is “therapeutic,” with a mission to help the parents of underachieving kids “train their child in the way he or she should go.”

Several past students allege “physical and emotional abuse” at the “boot camp,” however. Among those featured in the upcoming documentary Kidnapped for Christ are a teenager who says he was, essentially, abducted during the night to be taken from his US home to Escuala Caribe:

One morning I woke up. Two guys were at my house. … Both my parents were standing there, saying: “We love you, David. We love you.” … [The men] tied a belt around my waist, dragged me with the belt to their car. … I got sent down here because I am gay, and my parents, they just weren’t okay with that.

Watch the trailer below:

Escuala Caribe is run by New Horizon[s] Youth Ministry, which, according to its website, has recently been taken over by Lifeline Youth and Family Services, Inc.

Here’s a very telling paragraph from the school’s website:

Culture shock is a form of psychological disorientation produced by a sudden and complete change in one’s cultural environment. … [It tends] to make adolescents remarkably more dependent upon our Christian staff for direction and emotional support, while also rendering them more malleable and capable of new perspectives. Culture shock in a highly structured setting greatly enhances meaningful communication, offering young people extraordinary occasions for making enriching discoveries that inspire personal growth.

Hat-tip: Towleroad

“It Gets Better” is a realistic message for gay and lesbian people living in the western world, where society is increasingly accepting of sexual diversity. But in some non-western parts of the globe, survival as an LGBT person is all but impossible.

Wendy Gritter of New Direction, Canada, has filmed a message for those gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning young people for whom the message of the It Gets Better campaign isn’t realistic or helpful. That’s not to denigrate the campaign, which Wendy has supported. It is to say this:

We want to say to those who are coming to [freetobeme.com] from areas which are not gay-positive — in fact, that are in very anti-gay contexts, where this is not a conversation, where there is much discrimination and prejudice, and perhaps violence, and perhaps danger — what we want to say to you is: Be wise, be careful, but know inside your own self who you really are, and that you are cherished, you are valuable and you are loved. And know that your voice matters. There are LGBT advocates all through the world, who are working very hard for the human rights of all people, including those who are sexual minorities. Maybe someday you can add your voice to that community saying, “If we diminish anyone’s rights, we are all diminished.”

Watch the video below:

The message comes via New Direction’s Free to Be Me website, which Wendy says has experienced increased traffic from non-western countries.

It’s not news that the solution Exodus gives to young people for their attraction to the same sex is to refrain from acting on it and “deny themselves for Christ.” But a recent article brings Exodus to a new Orwellian level, this time by saying that being ascetic with one’s interpersonal relationships is a Godly calling when you are gay.

In “Loneliness is Good,” an article cross-posted to the Exodus Student Blog, Mike Goeke tells of his struggle to find Christian male friends after being told doing so would be a way to help heal his homosexuality.

I read many books, and a common ‘cure’ for my problems included finding some good male friends with whom to have healthy, authentic relationships.

This is in line with the disproven hypothesis that gay men become gay because their lack of “authentic” relationships with other men, especially of their fathers. But despite joining an inter-denominational Bible group, Mike found himself more alone than ever:

I sat alone most nights, and rarely spoke to anyone.  I looked around the room and everyone seemed to know everyone else.  Instead of finding friends, my loneliness only seemed to grow heavier.

One night, after he had decided to give up on Bible study altogether, God caused him to come to a realization.

In the dark of my room, as I expressed my frustration, I sensed God speaking into my heart.  He said, not audibly but clear nonetheless, “go to the Bible study to meet ME.”

In the days that followed, I realized that my greatest need at that moment was not connecting with a friend.  My greatest need was connecting with my God.  As I quieted myself down, it became clear to me that God could not entrust me with the kind of friendship I longed for at that time.  I had set up ‘friends’ as a sort of idol and made friendship the key to my joy and my fulfillment and my healing. I would have devoured friends had He given them to me then. God was gracious in many ways to deny me what I so longed for because it compelled me to Him and the true source of my affirmation and identity.  And, amazingly, as I pursued a deeper relationship with God, I found myself developing relationships with other men, and the friendships I had longed for began to happen.

For ex-gays, just about any red flag or stumbling block can be justified as part of the struggle, maybe even as a message from God Himself. Struggling to make friends? God must be denying you friendship for some reason. And it must be related to your struggle with homosexuality. Exodus’ real purpose, it appears, is helping one rationalize all of life’s stumbling blocks into something God intends.

I have gone through several seasons of loneliness.  I believe that God orchestrates those seasons in my life – in all of our lives – to help pull us back to Him.  We can be so prone to lose sight of Him and to make something else or someone else our center.  But when He becomes all we have, we realize more clearly that He is really all we need.  When He, in His godly and relational perfection, speaks affirmation and friendship and love and acceptance into our souls, we are perfectly satisfied.  And when we are perfectly satisfied in Him, we are so much more ready to be a true friend to someone else, and to receive true friendship in a healthy way.

I agree that any obsession or extreme dependency can be unhealthy. It can indeed cause one to lose sight of what’s important – for the religious person, it can cause one to lose sight of God. But why must simple social awkwardness or a struggle to connect with strangers be conflated with one’s struggle with same sex attraction?

God designed us to be in community and to be in friendship.  Those are good things, and things we all must have.  But God did not design us to idolize or worship friends and relationships.

It’s natural for human beings to seek out communion with other human beings. We are, with few exceptions, social creatures. Experiencing loneliness, even in an extreme way, does not mean one is ultimately “idolizing friendships.” But I suspect a different motive behind Goeke’s longing for and wariness of male friendship.

Befriending someone is a natural first step to a romantic relationship – something disallowed as a celibate gay person.

He promises that He can satisfy you, and you will discover the immensity of what it means to be fulfilled and have abundance in Christ alone.  And when your eyes are off of you and on God as the true center of your existence, you might just realize that you are not alone after all.

But such ethereal comfort is not the same thing as earthly comfort. This article does nothing to address specifics of a lonely, if religiously devout, life. The plain fact is, not all religious people are called to be celibate, and being forced to embrace such a lifestyle can cause extreme loneliness that feels anything but “good.” In fact, it can lead to depression, despair, and all the consequences associated with it.

It is a twisted way of telling young gay people that a “Godly” life of loneliness is how it “gets better.”

In May 18, 2010, 15-year-old Dominic Crouch of Cheltenham, England, committed suicide after being subjected to homophobic taunts at school. In the video below, his father, Roger Crouch, shares his story and talks about the impact anti-gay bullying and the death of his son has had on his life.

Second, a short film from Ireland, titled “Stand Up!” The advertisement, part of a campaign against homophobic bullying in schools, was created by Crossing the Line Films for BeLonG To Youth Services.

Finally, via Evan at Truth Wins Out, here’s a video testimony from Aaron Barton, a member of InFocus Church, Evans, GA. Aaron describes how he grew up experiencing “same-sex attractions” and, as a teenager, “gave the enemy power over that area of my life” by accepting the label “gay.” He was openly gay until finishing college, when he returned to his evangelical faith and discovered, he says, the Lord was “a restorer, a healer and a deliverer.” Aaron became “ex-gay.”

Why the connection to bullying? Because Aaron’s story reveals another kind of bullying. He was taught from an early age to be ashamed of his sexuality. Even when he openly identified as gay, he was never comfortable with his orientation. Is it any surprise that a young gay person loaded down with such shame and self-doubt because of his church’s teaching would find himself unable to express his sexuality in a healthy way and instead end up in relationships that are “destructive and painful”?

This is what happens when you’re only ever presented with two possibilities: Live a shameful, destructive life as a gay person or be fulfilled and whole as an ex-gay Christian. The middle way —  live healthily, contentedly and without coercion as the person you are — goes unmentioned. It may not always — at least in modern western religion — involve sticks and stones, but it remains shame-based bullying.

Gay teens share their stories this week in the New York Times. The interactive series, which touches on issues of oppression, anti-gay bullying and the challenges of coming out in school, began this morning with 19-year-old John Albuquerque of the Bronx, and Thomas Miller, 17, of Mandeville, Louisiana.

Exodus International President Alan Chambers is upset at a TV commercial aimed at encouraging gay teen victims of homophobic bullying.

The ex-gay leader told the Christian Post he found it “disappointing” that the commercial used the character of Woody, the cowboy from the Disney/Pixar movie Toy Story:

Children all over the world, including my two children are fans of Toy Story and to see a character like that endorsing something that at this point children have no need to know about, it’s disappointing.

The ad, a promo for Google Chrome and part of the It Gets Better campaign, aired during an episode of Glee last week. Why would Alan’s five- and six-year-old would be watching a show like Glee anyway? Alan worries that if his kids “happen to see that and ask questions and if they get the full understanding of what the commercial is actually about, we will have to have the conversation. It’s not something I plan to talk to my kids … about.” One wonders why this concern about children having “the conversation” was never a problem with Exodus’s own highly public billboard campaigns.

But, while “it gets better” for targets of anti-gay bullying, Chambers’s message only gets worse:

“For organizations like Exodus International, which has thousands of men and women like me who have lived a gay life, it obviously didn’t get better living a gay life for them. I would say that today it has become radically better,” he said.

“I think that we have to promote the stories of people who have found an alternative to homosexuality but I think that at the same time the church has to do a better job at addressing issues related to bullying and violence and how kids have been treated at public schools.”

Chambers encourages the church and celebrities alike to stand up and be “supportive of our Christian values and to stand up and proclaim that.”

Let’s think about what Chambers is really saying here: He doesn’t want this positive message going out to gays because his ministry depends on homosexuals being unhappy. He pays lip service to “addressing” anti-gay bullying and violence, but his ultimate concern is that if gays are too happy, Exodus International is out of business.

Here’s the nasty, brutal reality of Exodus and “gay cure” organizations like it: They have a vested interest in keeping gays oppressed.

We’ve heard this before. When Chambers addressed his fellow Christians at last year’s Lausanne Conference, he said as much. Exodus accepts gays as long as they know their place. Exodus’s acceptance is for gays and lesbians who are helpless victims, willing to be pitied and then fixed. The more gays become well-adjusted and content, the less there is for Exodus to do — and that’s Alan’s biggest problem.

Watch the commercial for yourself, and see just how inoffensive it really is:

A documentary about the ex-gay movement will have its premiere in June 2011, after six years in the making.

The premiere of This Is What Love in Action Looks Like takes place at Frameline 35, the San Francisco International LGBT Film Festival, which takes place from June 16 to 26. The movie had its genesis in the 2005 story of Memphis, TN, teenager Zach Stark, whose parents forced him to attend a residential gay-to-straight “bootcamp” run by Love in Action, the Exodus-affliated ex-gay ministry.

The film features interviews with many figures at the center of the controversy, including Stark, now 22, his father and then-LIA director John Smid.

There has been no announcement regarding further plans for theatrical or home video distribution.

Watch the trailer below:

Wendy Gritter of Canadian LGBT ministry New Direction urged her fellow Christians to stand against anti-gay bullying in a Palm Sunday message to her church yesterday.

Wendy highlighted two recent initiatives against homophobic bullying — Day of Pink and Day of Silence — and then had these words for her congregation:

In this time of confession, in this time of recognizing how quickly our own Hosannas can ring hollow, we, as the church of Jesus Christ, of all people in the Earth, should be standing in solidarity with those who are oppressed or are treated injustly for whatever reason. It ought not to be the world taking the initiative. The Church needs to stand up.

For those unfamiliar with the Christian story, Palm Sunday was the day when, according to the gospels, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey, to be greeted with cheers of “Hosanna!” Less than a week later, the praise turned to betrayal, injustice and death on a cross.

Wendy’s daughter Arianna then sang Don’t Laugh at Me. Watch the video of Wendy’s short message and Arianna’s song below, or head to the original entry at New Directions’ Bridging the Gap blog. After that, browse the Ex-Gay Watch archives to find out more about the work of Wendy Gritter and New Direction.

Wendy Gritter, of Ontario-based Christian ministry New Direction, tells bullied kids, “It gets better“:

A recent case involving the dismissal of a graduate student studying counseling at the Augusta State University in Georgia has Religious Right media outlets in a spin. The student is Jennifer Keeton, who was enrolled in the Counselor Education Program at the school. She identifies as a Christian and believes that homosexuality is a choice. Since every major medical and educational organization in the United States declares otherwise, this put her at odds with the University curriculum. She was offered a remediation plan to increase her “ability to be a multiculturally competent counselor, particularly with regard to working with gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer/questioning (GLBTQ) populations.” The plan noted the following:

Jen has voiced disagreement in several class discussions and in written assignments with the gay and lesbian ‘lifestyle.’ She stated in one paper that she believes GLBTQ ‘lifestyles’ to be identity confusion. This was during her enrollment in the Diversity Sensitivity course and after the presentation on GLBTQ populations.

…

Faculty have also received unsolicited reports from another student that [Keeton] has relayed her interest in conversion therapy for GLBTQ populations and she has tried to convince other students to support and believe her views.

She was instructed to attend at least three diversity workshops centered on the LGBTQ community and increase her exposure and interaction with gay populations. Failure to complete the plan would result in dismissal from the program. This prompted her lawsuit against the school.

In an Exodus blog post, Randy Thomas warns,

Professional organizations are finding that activist driven agendas cannot be proved as beneficial to all who struggle with same sex attraction.  They are finding that a client’s right to self-determination cannot be trumped by gay activist ideology and morality. It should be obvious that further study on those of us who have benefitted from this type of counseling is needed, not disenfranchisement of conservative/Christian counselors.

Some gay affirming counselors and professors are finding it next to impossible to remove what is already in place.  Now it would appear they wish to attack future potential counselors who don’t adhere to a liberal gay ideology before they ever get into practice.

This woman’s religious freedom isn’t at all being squelched. She has every right to study reparative therapy techniques from socially conservative point of view at the conservative Christian college of her choice. This is America. But she does not have the right to alter the curricula of academic institutions she attends just because they might not share her specific personal beliefs, especially if those beliefs directly oppose the foundation of her chosen degree, which was laid by professional medical organizations.

Rather than acknowledge this, Randy instead politicizes sexuality and blames the school’s counseling program for espousing “a liberal gay ideology.” Apparently recognizing the existence of gay people without placing moral baggage upon them is the same as espousing an “ideology.” The university is doing no such thing. They are concurring with medical science and the professional organizations based upon it.

In an excellent comment posted by “Tommy T.“, a valid question is posed:

Let’s reverse this: let’s say an Atheist intentionally attends a Christian university, and insists on replacing the approved course material with opposing secular-based sources. Would any of us support him/her suing the school for standing by its right to adhere to the pre-approved lesson plan? I doubt it.

Exactly.

Edited 8/9/2010 to correct school name.