Ex-Gay Watch

On an episode of the 700 Club, a mother called in to ask how to handle having a gay son. Host Pat Robertson responded by declaring that “most” homosexuals are now same-sex attracted because of a previous abusive relationship, and that they are all on the path to hell.

Transcription of the clip, courtesy of Right Wing Watch:

TERRY MEEUWSEN (co-host): This is Theresa. This is difficult. She says, “How should we, as parents of a homosexual son, handle the ongoing challenges facing us, such as staying true to our faith and following the commandment to ‘love your neighbor as yourself’? This is very difficult for us.”

ROBERTSON: Well, first of all, he’s not your neighbor. He’s your son; that’s a different thing. You owe him, you know, advice and counsel and guidance. You’re his parent. First of all, you didn’t say how old he is. Secondly, I am not at all persuaded that so-called homosexuals are homosexuals because of biological problems. There may be a very few, but there are so many that have been made homosexuals because of a coach or a guidance counselor or some other male figure who has abused them and they think there’s something wrong with their sexuality. So you need to get deep into why he is what he is, instead of just saying, “Well, he’s a homosexual so how do I handle him, and how do I be Christian?” Well, I think you ought to tell him, “Listen, son, you know, here’s what the Bible says about this, and it’s called an abomination before God, so I’ve got to tell you the truth because I love you.” That’s what I think. All right, what else?

MEEUWSEN: And then you do that — you love him.

ROBERTSON: You love him. Of course you love him. And you accept him. You love him, but at the same time, you can’t let him just go, you know, he’ll wind up –

MEEUWSEN: Without knowing truth, yeah.

ROBERTSON: Well, I mean, if somebody’s on their way to hell, they’ll — I mean, you’ve got to love them to rescue them.

Hat Tip: Right Wing Watch

Ex-gay group Jews Offering New Alternatives to Homosexuality (JONAH), despite their heavy involvement with Christian organizations, claim to be a viable alternative for Jews who see conflict between their sexual orientation and the Torah. They claim to take a Torah guided approach to the matter, and have several articles on their site to support this view. But another option for frum (observant; religious) Jews who are dealing with their homosexuality is to – well, to stay gay. The Gay and Lesbian Yeshiva Day School Alumni Association (GLYDSA) shows us how.

Christians are familiar with the holiness code followed by Jews. It is referred to as“The Law” by Jesus and Paul. Verses like Leviticus 18:22 are often cited to validate bigotry and hate against gays. However, “The Law” is not simply the first five books of the Bible (the Torah). Jews have TWO laws: the written Torah, and the Oral Torah. The Oral Torah, passed down from generation to generation since the National Revelation at Mt. Sinai, is the interpretation of the Written Law, which has since been written down. This vast collection of literature consists of the Talmud (“Learning”) and the Midrash (“Interpretation”). Read more…

Mike Airhart made a great point in the comments of the article about Dr. Austin.

XGW did not decide Austin was guilty; a Texas jury did…

David Roberts made another interesting observation.

I continue to be amazed at the Svengali like ability Mr. Austin seems to have over some people.

As a former client, I have some thoughts I would like to present regarding Dr. Austin’s conviction. First, I’ve had nothing but wonderful experiences with therapy under his care. People are consistently amazed by the perseverance and grace I’ve demonstrated during and after my marriage to Tdub. I say this not to boast, but as a direct compliment to Dr. Austin, who was instrumental in bringing me to such a place. He helped me maintain that demeanor over the course of several years; he is a gifted therapist.

However, I’ve come to realize that Dr. Austin is a very confused man, and I wonder privately if there may be more going on there. I’ll not make any wild claims about his state of mind, but I’ve seen the “Svengali” at work over a long period of time, and I’ve been friends or acquainted with many of his ex-gay clients. Our home was once a popular location for the ex-gay barbecues we sometimes joke about here at XGW. Because of those sorts of relationships, formed outside the realm of the counseling center, I was privy to a bit more of the inner-workings and dynamics of the group. I believe Dr. Austin is a master manipulator; gifted therapist, most definitely – master manipulator, unfortunately so.

It’s taken me quite some time to believe it, but the final “nail in the coffin” came after the break-up of my marriage to Tdub. One of our first concerns was appropriate therapy for our sons. We initially believed that Dr. Austin would be a good choice to help the boys through the transition of our family break-up as well as Tdub’s coming out. This is when we began to learn just how manipulative he had been. For reasons I won’t detail, and by people I won’t name, we were strongly cautioned against allowing our boys to enter therapy with him. We received this information from individuals with first-hand experience, and telling us placed them at great personal risk by also divulging their dalliances with Dr. Austin. To my knowledge, none of these particular indiscretions have been part of any of the trials or investigations to date.

I think it important to realize that one’s experience and level of trust with a man like Dr. Austin can only be used to evaluate one’s own relationship with him. It says nothing about his overall capability for damaging the lives of others. I personally have nothing against him. Even Dr. Austin’s extremely unorthodox practices, detailed in Part II of my series on ex-gay therapy, weren’t harmful to me. On the other hand, the fact that he pushed the boundaries of whatever guidelines may exist, either written or unwritten, among ex-gay therapists, certainly doesn’t improve my view of him at this point. The bottom line is this; I’m not going to abandon common sense and sound reason just because I wasn’t victimized by him myself.

If by some incredible long shot Dr. Austin was wrongly convicted, I feel confident he’ll be fine. He did, after all, instruct me in all sorts of Biblical truth which continues to sustain me during desperate times. I wish him Godspeed, either way.

I’ve been encouraged to share personal narratives about what I’ve learned from ex-gay therapy/ministry. While I’ve never experienced being ex-gay personally, my unique perspective affords me a great deal of “inside” anecdotal information that could be valuable to folks on any side of the issues surrounding ex-gay therapy/ministry.

I hope that folks who read XGW will take this series as an opportunity to better understand the language and position of those in the ex-gay movement. I understand (not fully, of course) how offensive the very idea of ex-gay therapy/ministry is to so many of you who may read this. And yet, I know beyond all doubt that we ALL have things to learn from one another and that by at least attempting to understand a different perspective we are each able to more effectively communicate our own. The one and only path I’d like to steer all of us towards is that of love and understanding. I don’t mind adding that I personally believe the heavier burden of understanding lies with those on the ex-gay side of the issue.

Part One

If you’re reading this post, you’re on a computer. Your computer is loaded with an operating system. Most of the things that happen on your computer happen because of default settings. Default is the way computers are set up so that every amoeba and their pet parasite are able to browse the Internet.

Read more…

To the young people who all too-often desperately stumble upon our website;

Like us, you have no desire to attempt to “change” your sexual orientation. I trust you’re enjoying spending time with your family over the holidays and applaud you for coming out over Thanksgiving and opening up a previously unshared part of yourself with them. I’m so glad to hear it went well.

Merry Christmas, I’m sorry to hear you returned home to find a rather unpleasant pamphlet in your bedroom. I’m sorry to hear people you thought loved you for all that you have made their true feelings known. It pains me to think of these false hopes and expectations being projected upon you and your life. I fear for you, fear you will be physically or financially coerced into whatever that pamphlet in your room is pushing.

The leader of a “gay curing” group recently said ’come out so we can help you’ but to you young reader I say STAY IN. Stay in until you are free to control your own life. Free from the unrealistic expectations of your parents fed to them by anti-gay organizations. Until you are free to develop and live your life as the fully realized and happy gay person you desire to be.

During the past few election cycles there has been much discussion about the lives of gay individuals and couples. And sadly some of this has come from those who are voices in the ex-gay movement. In efforts to advance partisan political goals, some ministry leaders have made claims about “change” and about “the homosexual lifestyle” that I believe are neither true nor Christian.

It is difficult to know why these ex-gay representatives have sacrificed their intergrity in this manner. Perhaps they fell victim to the notion that objective truth is less important than political spin, or perhaps they convinced themselves that what they said was true – or close enough. I suspect that they simply believe that they are right and therefore whatever they say or do is justified without any need for objective verification. Who cares if you lie about sinners?

As a result, I believe that the ex-gay movement has severed whatever connection that they had to same-sex attracted persons. Having set themselves up as condemners of gay people, they are not approachable by those whom they demonize. Exodus, Love Won Out, and other ministries have placed political advancement ahead of providing care for those who struggle with a sexual orientation that is inconsistent with their faith. And that is sad.

But the election results last night have given some reasons to reconsider these priorities. It appears that using the threat of gay marriage or the fear of gay people may not be the political motivator that it was just two years ago.

Of the eight states that voted on whether to exclude gay persons from equal treatment by the state, only two – South Carolina with 78% and Tennessee with 81% – had the overwhelming crush for gay couples that was the hall mark of prior elections. Five other states passed anti-gay amendments with support ranging from 52% to 63%. And one, Arizona, has not yet been called but at this time it appears that it will fail.

More importantly, the objective of getting out conservative Republican voters does not appear to have been successful.

Without certainty of partisan gains, it’s time for ex-gay leaders to ask themselves if its worth it. Is the constant demonization of gay persons and the further separation and rejection of those whom you claim to be your target for ministry worth it if you have no political gain to justify your efforts?

Matthew 16:26 asks the question “What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?” I would ask what good it is to sacrifice the soul of your ministry… for no gain at all?

I would recommend to Exodus – and if they don’t listen, then to any ex-gay ministers who will – that this might be a good time to return to your original mission. Let go of the politics. Stop lobbying and campaigning and then you won’t feel pressure to lie, spin, and redefine words. Show compassion to those whom you see as your flock. Demonstrate love – not “tough love”, or “love the sinner, ruin his life”, or “love, except…”, but love the way Christ intended.

This may cost you something. You may find financial support is not so readily available when you aren’t willing to advance someone’s political career or power play. Access to the White House or Senate offices may not be given when your message does not include fanciful tales about “lifestyles” or “secular progressives”. But in exchange you may regain something – your integrity.

From Pastor Brenda:

1. God’s love and favor depends on my behavior.
2. All ministers are people of God and can be trusted.
3. Material blessings are a sign of spiritual strength.
4. I can work my way to heaven.
5. Problems in my life are a result of some kind of sin.
6. If it’s not in the Bible it isn’t relevant.
7. A strong enough faith will protect me from problems and pain.
8. God hates sinners, is angry with me, and wants to punish me.
9. Having true faith means waiting for God to help me; doing nothing until He does.
10. More than anything else God wants me to be happy.

About Number 10: How many times have I heard exgay advocates report happiness as a key objective in their personal testimonies?

On September 15, a young man named Kyle Rice wrote a “first person” article in the Advocate titled I Hate Being Gay. Kyle described how unhappy he was with an orientation that was not compatible with his religion and how he’s exploring an ex-gay ministry.

The Advocate kindly let me respond.

The effort by Peter LaBarbera and the Family Research Council to lock HIV-positive gay travelers out of the United States reminds me of a Christian song.

In 1985, conservative Christian contemporary singer Steve Taylor released a song called Lifeboat (lyrics).

The song is about a teacher, Mrs. Aryan, who offers her very young and impressionable public-school classroom children a lesson about something called “values clarification.” In this parody of moral relativism, the children are assigned to clarify their values with a game in which five people must fit into a lifeboat built for two. The children must clarify their values by tossing three people overboard.

The five people are:

• an “old, old crippled grandfather”
• “a mentally handicapped person” who “can never be a productive member of society”
• “an overweight woman on welfare, with a sniffling, whimpering baby”
• “a young, white doctor with blue eyes and perfect teeth,” and
• Joan Collins.

In a clever refrain, the good little kids dutifully throw overboard the presumed refuse of society: the grandpa, the “fatty,” and the “retard” — and the baby.

That is exactly what LaBarbera and FRC want their “Christian” followers to do to foreign travelers who have tested positive for HIV: Toss them overboard, or better yet, keep them from boarding even for a temporary visit.

But in the end, Steve Taylor has a surprise for his Christian audience: The good school kids throw the teacher overboard, too.

And that’s precisely what conscientious Christians need to consider doing — not to society’s rejects, but to LaBarbera and FRC for promoting lifeboat theology in the first place.

In his article, LaBarbera claims to be “associated” with Focus on the Family — and FRC continues to serve as a Washington public-policy extension of Focus, with James Dobson serving on its board. What, then, are Focus’ responsibilities in response to this episode? Conservative Christians deserve an answer.

‘Lifeboat’ via iTunes

In response to some advice that I posted for an exgay reader, another reader recently wrote to ask whether I am exgay, and if so, how did I break free of homosexual desires.

Here’s my response (slightly edited).

I’m not ex-gay … your second question is kinda broad, and requires a bit of examination:

a. Different sexual desires have different causes. The desires do not break down neatly into heterosexual and homosexual categories. The causes are not squarely biological or environmental. And some desires are less sexual than others.

b. Any given desire can have different levels of intensity — some levels might be healthy, while other levels may be too high or too low. For example, our society considers the desire for physical contact with someone healthy if that desire is for a hug or handshake from a friend, not healthy if the desire is a hug from a boss. Some societies expect men to kiss one another as a greeting, while other societies see any physical contact — even a handshake — as a violation of one’s personal/spiritual space. A desire for sex with one’s spouse once a week might be average; if one desires sex more often than one’s partner wishes, then one must learn to ignore or divert one’s desires. A constant and overpowering desire for sex, or no desire at all, might require examination.

What I’m getting at is, what exactly is one trying to break free from? “Homosexual desires” (or, for that matter, “heterosexual desires”) is too broad to be addressed with a quick fix, in my opinion (speaking as a layperson).

Best wishes.