There has been a lot of discussion lately over the attendance of Exodus President Alan Chambers at a recent Gay Christian Network conference (GCN). Chambers participated in a panel discussion with former Love In Action director John Smid, Courage UK founder Jeremy Marks, and Wendy Gritter, Executive Director of New Direction ministry in Canada (a former Exodus affiliate, now gay affirming). This was Friday evening, January 6, 2012.
Controversy exists over a number of issues. Among other things, GCN serves as a refuge of sorts for gay Christians who had bad experiences with ex-gay ministries or who have simply reconciled their faith and their sexuality and seek a place to fellowship with others in similar circumstances. This is a simplistic and incomplete description but more detail will come with subsequent posts.
The purpose of this post is to provide a copy of the email which was sent out to conference attendees on December 29, 2011. You may have heard this discussed as you read over accounts of the event. It has been claimed by some that this email was sufficient to warn those attendees who might be traumatized, hurt or made uncomfortable by the presence of any of those mentioned above and therefore give them a chance to avoid the conference. The email was sent after registration was over and travel arrangements had been completed.
We provide this for those wishing to evaluate the facts surrounding this incident to judge for yourselves if this email constitutes sufficient warning. Since we have not seen it posted in any other convenient locations, we are doing so at XGW. Please feel free to discussion your opinions. Keep in mind that it was certain long before this email went out that at least some if not all of the panelists would be in attendance. Also, we were told that no one contacted GCN as a result of this email.
The entire email is available in PDF format here.. Or you may read the germane section below:
AN IMPORTANT NOTE
The vast majority of the attendees of the GCN conference are typically in agreement with GCN’s mission, purpose, and values. However, GCN’s conference has always had an open-door policy, so you may encounter people at the conference whose beliefs, values, and views differ markedly from your own and/or from GCN’s.
Because Orlando is also home to the world’s largest “ex-gay” organization, there may be people affiliated with the ex-gay movement who decide to register and attend part or all of the conference this year.
Our policy remains unchanged: Anyone is welcome to attend the conference, even if they don’t agree with GCN’s mission, but we do ask them to respect the conference’s purpose and behave accordingly. As always, we reserve the right to remove anyone whose behavior, in the sole discretion of GCN’s conference team, is distracting from or working against the stated purpose of the event.
What should you do if you encounter someone whose views are different from GCN’s? Whether that person is a concerned Christian parent, a curious non-Christian, or a member of the ex-gay movement, we encourage you to welcome them with generosity and compassion. The GCN conference is a life-changing experience for many, and it just might change that person’s perspective.
However, in the unlikely event that you encounter someone who is making you uncomfortable or engaging in inappropriate behavior (seeking sexual contacts, advocating a message contrary to GCN’s, etc.), please notify a member of the conference team immediately.
We are also aware that some members of our community have strong emotional reactions to the topic of ex-gay ministry, due to their own painful experiences. If you are concerned about the possibility of encountering someone who might trigger something painful for you, please contact our office in advance of the conference, and we will work with you to address your specific needs and ensure that you are able to attend the conference safely and happily.
In all of our interactions at this year’s conference, let us continually strive to embody our theme, “Ambassadors of Reconciliation,” seeking out ways to build bridges and change lives without compromising our faith or our integrity, as we share Christ’s light and love for all.
So, apparently, ex-gay survivors were suppose come forward to somehow pre-determine their reaction about some vague, non-specific ex-gay thing that may or may not happen. Worse, the e-mail misleads by implying that ex-gays may merely attend the conference — not actually participate in a panel discussion.
This e-mail seems more like a cover-your-ass e-mail for GCN to point to later and say, “See? We warned you.”
I also think this part is slightly weird – if someone had worried about “encountering someone” what would have happened had they expressed that to GCN? How would their specific needs be addressed, exactly?
Would they have been reimbursed for the price of the conference, hotel and airfare fees if they felt they absolutely could not attend under those circumstances? I am not sure how someone could have been at the conference safely and happily while this was going on if they were someone who would be triggered by merely encountering a fellow conference goer.
Exactly what accommodations would have been made so they could be safe and happy? Should they have been sequestered from the other attendees? I am not sure what they would have had in mind if someone had expressed concern.
Based on this email (which I did not receive because I did not register this year due to cash flow issues – my first time missing a GCN conference), I probably would have actually talked to Justin about this and asked more specifics, and what was in place for ex-gay survivors or to ensure that the voices of ex-gay survivors were heard in the context of a conference where there might be current and former ex-gay leaders walking around. Of course, I’m the co-founder of Beyond Ex-Gay and we have been supporting ex-gay survivors since 2007, and bringing their stories further into the light. But I expect the average Joe might not have been thinking in that direction. Anyway, just my thoughts on this. Curious.
I read the pre-conference email as a sensible pastoral precaution, though apparently unnecessary. The only panelist obviously at odds with the GCN mission would have been Alan Chambers, and it’s unclear when he confirmed his attendance. It’s my understanding conferees got the heads-up onsite and could easily avoid the Friday evening session, if they wanted. Those who haven’t yet heard GCN’s rationale for including Chambers may still have questions, but the conference theme — Ambassadors of Reconciliation — makes their intention clear. I can support that.
Well, duplicity reigns all around at GCN…
@Steve
Who do you see being reconciled, and to whom?
@David Roberts
GCN’s concern is obviously for their members, many of whom are ex-gay survivors, and many of whom are still working through the implications of being GLBT and Christian. Alan Chambers represents a perspective that any evangelical gay person must come to terms with (ie. reconcile with) as part of their personal journey of integration. The ex-gay experience often engenders a lot of bitterness. Learning to forgive — ex-gay leaders, the Church, one’s self — for former beliefs and mistakes is a critical aspect of that healing … if we have the courage to ‘go there’.
A secondary avenue of reconciliation, beyond the personal, is between differing parties within the Church. GCN is also involved in various ‘bridging’ initiatives as a means of fostering more, healthier, and more truthful dialogue among evangelicals. Putting Alan Chambers on a panel with 3 former ex-gay leaders and engaging in face-to-face conversation may have been what prompted him to admit the truth about Exodus’ results: https://tinyurl.com/7rf4m4l
I can appreciate that people who were burned by ex-gay leaders may be sceptical about efforts to dialogue with them. But here’s how one conferee summed up Friday’s event:
“[T]hanks for the ex-gay conversation that took place. I don’t feel like we gave the stage to Alan Chambers – I feel like we welcomed him with loving kindness. And for me, that’s the point of this faith – to welcome, to love, and to forgive. It’s not easy, but it is possible – and it’s a commandment!”
@Steve
I’m not seeing any reconciliation, Steve. I see a repeat of question and answer sessions which have been done before and responses from Alan which we have heard before — including the “no change” line. I do see that this has caused a lot of division and confusion from within GCN. It seems unlikely that such would come from a Godly event unless He is now the author of confusion.
Do you consider it possible at all that this “reconciliation” some have reported feeling might be a mixture of emotions associated with the satisfaction of seeing Alan grilled “on their own turf” and without the upper hand, so to speak? I’ve heard some report it basically this way, and that is not reconciliation — that is payback.
For those who do have good feelings about this, it has come at great expense. Others say they are hurt, traumatized, sick to their stomachs, etc. I’m not sure I could enjoy my reconciliation knowing the price.
I also find it hard to see reconciliation when one of the parties being reconciled is still committing the same bad acts which caused the rift in the first place. Doesn’t this rather cheapen the whole notion?
I believe Alan Chambers is a liar, nuancing his message to fit what he believes his audience wants to hear. For proof and quotations from Alan which demonstrate his lies, click on my name.
@David Roberts , thanks for your reply. Having been involved in similar gay Christian ministries for many years, I’m concerned for the people who never ‘make peace’ or reconcile themselves with their past involvement in ex-gay ministry or the church’s traditional condemnation of homosexuality. In my experience this often results in people abandoning their faith or in some way internalizing a harmful contradiction. One very dear friend said he still believes gay sex is sinful, but because he can’t deny his desire to love another man, he’s purposefully ‘living in sin’ (by his estimation). Even if gay Christians can hold on to their faith, such compromises of integrity are bound to take a heavy personal toll.
So I commend GCN for making every effort to help their members reconcile themselves to their past ex-gay beliefs and experiences and to find healing. That some GCN members describe themselves as being ‘re-traumatized’ or emotionally ‘triggered’ by Friday’s event indicates how difficult this ministry is, and how much work GCN has yet to do.
So, by all means, let’s do what we can to stop Exodus and other ex-gay ministries from harming more people. But at the same time, how can we support gay-supportive ministries like GCN as they help wounded gay-Christians find peace and healing?
@Steve
Steve, how exactly did GCN help their members find healing in this instance? And, yes, re-traumatization indicates exactly how damaging ex-ministries are.
GCN did NOT protect or help ex-gay survivors find peace and healing that night at the conference. Justin showboated quite a bit, but did not consider who had been previously harmed by Alan Chambers and John Smid (and the like). There was nothing in place before this event until a couple hours before its start. It was not Justin Lee or GCN as an organization or GCN leadership that set this up. It was one person who could not attend who picked up the phone, chose to contact two conference attendees to encourage them to approach Justin about making sure there was something in place to support people who this might negatively impact… no previous effort on Justin Lee’s part.
Justin Lee’s decision inflicted harm and people trying to cover for this ill conceived choice are only continuing to inflict harm. Justin Lee is being seen as some kind of amazing “savior”/idol by many GCN members, must be difficult to share the “savior” spotlight with Tim Tebow. His decision was a careless move on so many levels, for so many reasons.
@Christine Just to answer the questions you brought up. I attended the conference and all of the exgay survivor support groups that I was aware of. In those groups, Justin explained that GCN was ready to talk to folks who may have had concerns with attending the conference with exgay leaders in attendance. Justin flat out said that if someone was so concerned to the point that they no longer wished to attend the confernce that GCN would have fully refunded their costs. Justin said he would have even used his own personal finances to accomadate folks this way if necessary. Of course nobody needed this type of accomodation. Nobody contacted GCN at all about any concerns before the conference.
John, perhaps you could clarify something. It is my understanding that support for ex-gay survivors was more or less “penciled in” mid-way through the day Alan was to speak, apparently due to the concerns of some who contacted Justin — from the conference and the outside. If this is true, it does not sound like much concern was given to this aspect, particularly considering the long-range planning for Alan’s (and the others’) attendance.
As to the offer of a refund and no one responding to the email, I think the point others are trying to make is that the email was not direct enough to trigger such a response for most. Is it not likely that the response would have been different had Justin been completely transparent in that email? Instead of being intentionally vague, what if attendees had been treated honestly and told:
My own thoughts are that GCN members, and certainly the board, should have known far earlier and even had a say in whether this happened at all. This not only empowers those who have been abused to have a say in the matter, but it is transparent and would have likely prevented most if not all speculation on ulterior motives or mismanagement. I think it would also have been, dare I say it, a more Christian way of handling it.
Promising refunds after the fact, fully knowing that no one has asked, seems somehow an empty gesture. I’m not saying that Justin is lying, but only that it is irrelevant and only compounds suspicion. It has meaning only if it was offered in the open, before the event and along with full disclosure of Alan’s visit.
I find the e-mail appalling. As I’ve said elsewhere, consider the difference between “you should be aware of your surroundings when you are swimming” and “we’ve put a hungry shark in your swimming pool”. While perhaps not the most appropriate analogy, it gets the point across. Saying you might run into someone who supports an ex-gay philosophy is a far cry from saying the world’s #1 ex-gay advocate has been invited to the conference to join a panel discussion.
Frankly, I find Justin Lee’s e-mail to be as deceitful and misleading as ex-gay leaders are when they talk. They give themselves cover while at the same time purposely deceiving people. It’s shockingly appalling behavior.
@David I can’t speak to exactly how and when the support groups for exgay survivors were put together. I can tell you that once they were planned they were well announced and there was more than one time slot for them so people could find a time to attend if they wanted. I can also tell you that I attended all three of those groups and nobody in the groups expressed outrage toward GCN for having the event. One of those groups was facilitated by a licensed counselor and Justin Lee wasn’t present, so people certainly had the ability to safely express whatever emotions they were having.
From what I understand, it is a false misconception that there was a lengthy period of time that GCN leadership knew that this event was going to take place. I believe the email they sent was a bit vague because they only knew of the possiblity but did not have anything confirmed.
So many people have so many different oppinions on what the “Christian way” is to do anything and everything. I also have to say that GCN is not primarily an exgay survivor group. Those groups do exist. It is clear to me that Justin Lee cares very much about people and their pain. He also has vision and passion for reconcilition. In my opinion it’s not the “Christian thing to do” to sit around all day with people who agree with us and talk about how right we are.
@PC It is completely false that Alan was invited to attend the conference. He was not there at all before the panel discussion or after. It was made clear several times over that the event was optional and not something that should be attended by anyone who felt uncomfortable or threatened by it.
@Theresa More than one person at the conference shared publicly with the rest of the group how the panel discussion helped heal their wounds from their exgay experience. One man told everyone who attended the open mic sharing time that he approached Alan after the discussion and expressed his hurt and anger to him directly face to face. This man then asked to pray with Alan and he said once he was done his anger and hurt walked out of the door with Alan. This man is now experiencing the healing and freedom that comes from reconciliation.
P.S. I’m also a Bronco’s fan, Go Tebow!
GCN is a big community and what people expect and get from it is as varied as the people who post there. It’s unhelpful to say that because there is confusion around why the event happened that God wasn’t in it – anytime you get a group of people together there is confusion. We’re still awaiting word from Justin and I hope that will clear the air a bit. A lot of folks are happy this conversation happened and some aren’t. The community will likely grow and learn from this. I hope we do.
@John Notice the difference between what I said and your summary of what I said.
What I said: “Saying you might run into someone who supports an ex-gay philosophy is a far cry from saying the world’s #1 ex-gay advocate has been invited to the conference to join a panel discussion.”
Your summary: “It is completely false that Alan was invited to attend the conference. He was not there at all before the panel discussion or after.”
The panel discussion was in the conference hotel, sponsored by the conference, facilitated by Justin, and attended by conference members. That, John, is the definition of being invited to the conference to join a panel discussion. The panel discussion was part of the conference. Alan was invited to join the panel discussion that was part of the conference. Ergo, Alan was invited to the conference to join a panel discussion. Nothing I said implied anything before or after the panel discussion.
Seriously, if you parse words any further you’d be a politician.
@ John… I can totally see how two truths can be held in the same hand. I am sure some people had healing experiences and I am sure there was harm caused at the same time. Yet this still does not address the lack of thought, consideration, respect that should have been offered to those who were hurt by Justin’s decision. Had Justin put as much time, care, effort into the harm piece. I am speaking to nothing being in place prior to right before the panel and with regard to ex-gay survivors, those affected by religious abuse, etc. Something being thrown together in the last minute, as well as not addressing harm with Alan… as opposed to the tedious way too long conversation about the word “gay”, a lot of people would be feeling some differently about this. Although, I will have to say there are a lot of other facets to this whole thing… behind the scenes stuff, that have left a more than sour taste in my mouth, for sure.
And, holy cow!!!! Really, Tim Tebow?!?!? Not too sure if you know me, but I am married to Christine Bakke… so, living in Denver I am well… so over Tim Tebow all the time. And it’s a great thing to rub in the faces of die-hard Broncos/Tebow fans 😉
@PC sorry for the faulty summary of your words. I appreciate your correction. You’re analogy is a bit misleading though. He wasn’t free to “swim around in anyone’s pool” If we must compare him to a dangerous shark then it would be more accurate to depict him contained behind aqurium glass. He was only ever in a highly controlled and contained context.
@LRC
Perhaps, but I’m not sure that is a valid statement if even the leadership was uninformed and is divided (one walked out).
@Theresa Sadly, I have to admit I like Tebow more than I’d like my straight evangelical conservative friends to know. But then again he’s pretty hot, so maybe that makes it ok for me to like him 🙂
@John, so do you admit that what Justin Lee said in his e-mail is a far cry from what actually happened? Do you recognize the difference between saying there might be an ex-gay affiliated person who happens to be at the conference because it is open to all and actually inviting the head of the biggest ex-gay organization in the world to participate in a panel discussion? It’s simply dishonest.
@PC I don’t really have anything to admit, I’m not on trial here. I don’t know for sure what Justin knew and what he didn’t know when GCN sent that initial email. I also believe there would have been good reason for GCN to keep things under wraps as much as possible. GCN takes the privacy and protection of their conference atendees seriously. Attendees can designate whether or not they want to appear in photographs or video while at the conference. These attendees are given red lanyard nametags… can you imagine if some media outlet got wind of Alan Chambers being at the panel discussion. Do you think they would have respected the privacy of the atendees? This is at least one good reason not to announce it in advance even if Justin knew for sure that Alan was going to attend the discussion.
John writes: I don’t know for sure what Justin knew and what he didn’t know when GCN sent that initial email.
So, are you suggesting that the invitation to Alan was a spur of the moment thing and not something that had been in the works for at least weeks or months? I find that hard to believe.
@John
John, I think PC meant to ask if you you do concur with what he said, not that you were on trial. Let’s keep it friendly.
I’m suggesting that, from what I understand, nothing was confirmed with Alan until last minute. I’m sure Justin had conversations with Alan about the possiblity of this type of discussion beforehand. But why create a firestorm of controversy before the conference if Alan hadn’t even decided for sure if he was going to attend at all.
I certainly did not intend to be unfriendly in anyway. I found the wording of that question interesting. I don’t have anything to admit…
except that I like Tim Tebow 🙂
Regarding not telling anyone in advance about the panel because of a potential media storm and the impact it would have on people who didn’t want to be photographed – that’s really something that can be managed well and shouldn’t even factor in to defending the secrecy of the event.
At the Ex-Gay Survivor conference in Irvine in 2007, we were VERY strict with the media. They had a separate sign-in, a special badge, and signed an agreement not to film any attendees without direct permission. Everyone who was going to be onstage was OK with being filmed, and so we told the media they could only film from a certain area where they would only be filming the stage, and they were not allowed to pan the audience. Furthermore, they could only film at the main sessions where everything was taking place on the stage. They were very strictly not allowed to film during any other small group or workshop. In fact, someone affiliated with Soulforce came in to a workshop I was doing and started filming. Even though he was from Soulforce, many did not know that and became tense. I walked him out immediately and did not let him film even though he was from our own group.
There was one time when we did allow filming at a group event. It was during the community chalk talk and we explained how it would all work for the attendees and the media. We began with no media filming. We stopped the chalk talk 20 minutes in and gave the media a five minute window to film what was written. We announced that if any survivors wanted to continue writing on the wall while filming was happening that they could do so but know they would be filmed. When 5 minutes was up, the media had to withdraw. We did this one more time at the end for the media so they could get the full picture and impact of the chalk talk.
Our restrictions on media access were so tight, that one of them was later heard at the hotel going off about how they had access in prisons, and with rape victims, and child molester groups, etc, and they’d never been held in check as they had at this conference.
So it can be done. This was not an open air event at a park where anyone and everyone could run about filming. It was at a hotel and the media could have been controlled. They are not the FBI, they have to get permission just like anyone else.
@John
I’m not as confident as you that Alan’s attendance was uncertain. However, even the fact that GCN as an organization was planning such a thing seems germane to me. And all that aside, John Smid’s attendance was most certainly not in question. It’s a long stretch in my view to support keeping the organization and attendees in the dark, much less the board of directors. This indicates a very real leadership issue.
If I had attended the conference, as originally planned, and seen that email, I would not have thought anything of it. Sure Exodus is HQd there, so it’s “possible” that someone from that group “might” want to register and see what’s happening. THAT’S how I read the email. That’s far different from actually inviting the head of that organization to attend, even if only for a few hours, and to sit on stage as part of a panel.
The other thing that really bothers me is that in October Justin emailed an ex-gay survivor and said that inviting John Smid to the conference would be a bad idea… Really? 3 months later and John is sitting on that stage?? If John, who is in his own process of repentance, was a bad idea, can’t we also say that Alan’s invite was also a very bad idea? By Justin’s own words?
I was at the conference, I’m an ex-gay survivor, and this is the first time I come forward because I can do so anonymously here, and not on GCN.
When I heard the announcement that Alan Chambers would be there that night, my heart dropped, and I went through so many emotions, numbness, anger, rage, wanting to run away. I wanted to shout “how dare you!”, but somehow I couldn’t, I kept silent instead.
I walked out of that session and if I lived in FL and had come by car, I would have left and gone home. But I had a flight booked for a few days later, so I stayed. I didn’t attend any of the rest of the conference. Did anyone notice I was missing? Nobody contacted me or seemed to look for me so I don’t think so. After the announcement I went to my room and spent time shaking, being so mad. Mad that I didn’t speak up and protested when the announcement was made, mad that nobody else reacted, mad that I had taken time of work and paid to come to this conference because I thought it would be a healing place for me, an uplifting experience. Mad at Justin and that he was getting away with this, mad that I trusted GCN, mad that he could do this.
That night, while the panel event took place, I stayed in my room, shaking, crying, hurting, remembering the suicidal thoughts that the ex-gay ministry caused me to have years ago. I couldn’t bring myself to come out of my room that night, I didn’t feel safe being in the same hotel as that man. I felt so betrayed by GCN, by Justin, by those on the panel who knew in advance, by anyone who knew ahead of time. I feel so much anger towards GCN that I can’t even go on their site right now. And the one time I went there since the conference, I read how we should forgive, how reconciliation is good. That makes those of us who hurt, or at least me, feel even worse. We were hurt and damaged by the ex-gay ministry, and now some on GCN are kicking us when we’re down. If we can’t forgive, we’re not good enough Christians? Well maybe I’m not, but it’s not a question of not wanting to forgive for me, it’s a question of not being able to.
I am thankful that this happened now and not several years ago, as this could have very well made me act on my suicidal thoughts. The fact that they resurfaced that day is in itself scary to me.
I trusted that the GCN conference would be a safe place and great experience. It was my first time but what other people had said about previous ones was encouraging. I couldn’t wait to be there.
I am thankful that Disney helped cheer me up a bit, but I should have been enjoying the conference I paid to attend instead, meeting new people.
About the e-mail prior to the conference, I didn’t think anything of it, I thought it was a standard e-mail they send before every conference. It didn’t make me think there would be people from ex-gay ministries at the conference, and certainly not Alan Chambers himself.
I have read that Alan Chambers didn’t confirm in advance (even just writing this name makes my stomack turn, though writing Justin Lee’s name has the same effect on me right now), but I still would have wanted to know that he had been invited and that there was a possibility that he may attend. Then I could have decided not to attend the conference, but I was not given that choice, and it seems most us weren’t.
To those who say it was an “optional” event, please consider that we however were not given the option of not being in the same hotel as Alan Chambers, we were not given the option of deciding not to come to the conference knowing Alan Chambers may be there.
I will not be going back to GCN, when it is run by someone who threw us in the lion’s den, without ever thinking of warning us in advance.
If you happen to read this Mr. Lee, I hope you can sleep at night, knowing how you have betrayed those of us who trusted you and GCN, how you let us down, and how much hurt you caused some of us.
Am I the only one who wanted to leave the conference? Am I the only one who didn’t attend the rest of it?
I haven’t dared post on GCN, because those who gained something from that event make me feel even more broken because I’m not able to forgive and see this in a positive light.
@Tim A
For those who don’t have access to the GCN forum where this was posted, I am reposting with Peterson’s permission.
Peterson Toscano wrote:
I have not written sooner because of the intensity of the feelings I have had around this issue. As a member of GCN who is an ex-gay survivor, I have felt betrayed, invalidated, and disrespected.
Back in October on my blog I wrote about Forgiveness and Reconciliation partiularly in regards to ex-gay leaders like John Smid who has a change of heart and wants to join our community or speak to us at our conferences or through his book. I wrote:
Justin, I shared this blog post with you, and we communicated directly at that time. In an email exchange I raised the following concern:
In response, Justin you wrote the following,
I no longer have confidence that you and the GCN leadership can thoughtfully and sensitively address ex-gay issues. I see that trust has been broken that not only affects me but many connected to GCN and who have seen GCN as a possible resource for gay Christians.
I have received confirmation of two things:
1. Alan Chambers asked to come to the conference, not vice versa.
2. John Smid was registered to come the first week in December.
I am waiting for confirmation of just when it became certain that Alan would be there.
@David Roberts , did you also get Justin’s permission to post his private email communications publicly to your forum?
@Steve
I’ve posted nothing that was off the record. To what do you refer?
@David Roberts , I refer of course to Peterson’s quotation of an email apparently from Justin which Peterson posted on a private GCN forum, which you now publish publicly. I’m asking if Justin gave you permission to publish his private communications here.
I have no idea if any of it was ever private, but the post was made public by Peterson. Take it up with him if you so desire, but please stop wasting comment space playing nanny.
Edit: To clarify, the quote you reference came directly to us from Peterson, though it is also posted to the GCN forum.
@Anonymous
Thanks for sharing this. I think it is important to hear from someone for whom this was a painful experience. Up until now I only heard speculations that it might have been painful for some. Since I’m one of those who think it’s important to forgive I just want to tell you one thing: I don’t see this as a “you have to forgive or you’re not a good Christian”. I think ultimately it is important to have the goal of forgiveness to become free. However, you’re right that nobody can be forced to be ready for this and I know it takes time. I’m very sorry for how you felt!
@Anonymous (#33), thank you for sharing your experience and the depth of your feelings. After almost 20 years of leadership in several similar gay Christian organizations, I’ve never heard a testimony quite like yours. I won’t have guessed someone would have such a visceral response to hearing his name, to being in the same building as him. So I’m thankful, really, that you’ve shared it. Ministry leaders need to know.
I wish you had been able to participate in the conference, to identify yourself to a GCN leader or prayer partner, so you could have gotten some pastoral care and personal support onsite. You were surrounded by people who would have cared for you, and still do. I hope you’re getting that now. I pray God’s best for you.
@Steve
With the response he/she had, do you really think they would feel safe running to a representative of the same group that they felt betrayed by and who welcomed the object of this trauma into the conference? Your comment in general appears shamelessly passive-agressive and condescending. If you have really not run into such a reaction in 20 years of ministry, you’ve not been paying attention. Try to put at least as much concern into this person’s welfare as you do Justin’s email.
@Steve,
Anonymous’s account mirrors exactly my first thought when I heard Alan Chambers would be appearing at the GCN conference. In my experience, that kind of visceral reaction to (to any number of triggers, including people, places and words) is far from uncommon among people who’ve been through any kind of religious abuse. When I heard Chambers would likely be at the conference and probably speaking publicly, my first thought was for those whose response to his presence would be one of trauma, quite literally — panic, fear, nausea, anxiety, flashbacks, depression, shaking or any manner of symptoms that are par the course for many survivors of spiritual abuse. I found GCN’s invitation to Alan incredulous and still do.
@Anonymous – #33 — may I repost you on the GCN forum? Keeping you strictly anonymous of course. Those in the GCN leadership, and those who attended the conference need to know how someone who was there truly reacted to the entire situation.
Thank you for reading and for your replies. I have read that there are others who were hurt and who have told specific people rather than coming forward on GCN. I understand this well.
David thank you, you are right in your understanding. Maybe for others who have been on GCN longer and who know other members it was different. For me, it was my first time meeting other GCN members in person. When you feel so betrayed by the leader, how do you know who you can trust? I just wanted to be out of there.
I keep thinking of ex-gay survivors who may have been there and for whom the hurt from ex-gay ministry is more recent than mine, and how they felt. I just hope there wasn’t anyone in a fragile state present at this conference.
I did not consider myself in a fragile state before the conference, but this trigger was very powerful. I realize now that I have far more healing to do than I ever realized.
If you feel if would be beneficial to do so, then yes. But I won’t be going back to GCN, not even to read any replies.
@Anonymous
Thank you. I have reposted it on GCN… and added some emphasis on certain lines. I do not believe you are the only person there who felt this way… and it troubled me since I first heard the announcement Friday morning that there would be people there with this type of reaction. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope it will help others understand… and I pray you find peace.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through that Anonymous.
🙁
@Anonymous
I think it would be helpful if you could also state how you think this should have been handled. Do you think such a panel should have happened at all? Would you have been as suspicious of GCN if it had happened apart from the conference and made known in advance? Is there any way it could have happened during the conference without triggering you? I think these kinds of answers would be helpful for the GCN board to learn how to handle things like this better and to make a more informed decision next time.
The Justinfication of all this is supposed to be posted today.
Here’s a link to Justin’s explanation of the event and apology. Hopefully this will help seeing his intentions and dispelling some of the hurt and misinformation.
https://www.gaychristian.net/justin_exgay_statement.php
@Anonymous
I used to be a part of GCN as well but left several years ago. I had attended a conference and was part of the SoCal group, but felt led to leave and haven’t really looked back since. When I heard what happened, I researched on the internet and saw your post.
I am SO sorry for what you are going through. You never should have been exposed to this. I don’t know what GCN was thinking or how far removed they have become from the people they are trying to help. This was inexcusable, in my opinion, no matter how it may be spun by the higher-ups. I read the email and it made it look like someone might register, not be on a panel. This was a CYA email as they had to know something would go down. You don’t plan a conference and not know who is appearing a week beforehand. My guess is, future conference attendance will be lower because of this.
I don’t blame you for not wanting to be a part of GCN, but I encourage you to maintain the healthy friendships you made there via Facebook, email, etc. God started something with you by bringing you there. Just because one organization hurt you, don’t throw the rest of us out with the bath water. GCN isn’t the only game in town anymore and there are plenty of current and former GCN members who would love to be there for you.
Judging by your deciding to put money, time and effort to go to a conference, that means you are making great strides in your reconciliation of your sexuality and your faith, as well as your past. Please don’t give up on your journey because of the actions of a few “leaders”. God has so much in store for you and will make you whole again. Crawl in His arms right now and He will lead you to the right people. Praying for you…. 🙂