Former Ex-Gay Leader Smid Can No Longer Condemn Gays
The former leader of Exodus International’s oldest ministry says you can’t repent of homosexuality — and he now publicly admits he is homosexual himself.
John Smid, who resigned as Executive Director of Love in Action in 2008, has made his strongest statements yet disavowing the message he preached for years as the head of a ministry that promised gays they could change. Writing on the website of his new ministry, Grace Rivers, Smid says being homosexual (he generally uses this rather clinical term rather than “gay”) is an intrinsic part of a person’s being, not a behaviour he can repent from:
One cannot repent of something that is unchangeable. I have gone through a tremendous amount of grief over the many years that I spoke of change, repentance, reorientation and such, when, barring some kind of miracle, none of this can occur with homosexuality.
He also makes a confession you won’t hear from Exodus (except Exodus President Alan Chambers in an off-guarded moment, although he later backtracked) — he’s never met a real ex-gay person:
I also want to reiterate here that the transformation for the vast majority of homosexuals will not include a change of sexual orientation. Actually I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual.
Smid goes on to address a hypothetical question: Which is worse, two gay men in a 30-year faithful, committed relationship or a heterosexual married five times? He commends the gay couple for an “amazing feat” of faithfulness and sacrifice, and suggests they “could be more faithful in their walk with Christ than the person married five times” (and vice versa). Basically, he seems to say, it doesn’t matter — and Jesus is the judge of the heart.
He also talks about the change in how he defines homosexuality. The Exodus line is that, essentially, homosexuality is a behaviour and an “identity,” both of which must go. Smid now has a different take:
I used to define homosexuality or heterosexuality in terms describing one’s behavior. I thought it made sense and through the years often wrote articles and talked from that perspective.
Today, I understand why the gay community had such an issue with my writings. My perspective denied so many facets of the homosexual experience. I minimized a person’s life to just their sexuality but homosexuality is much more than sex.
He also makes a frank statement about his own sexual orientation:
I would consider myself homosexual and yet in a marriage with a woman. My sexual desires, attractions and lifelong struggle with common factors relating to homosexuality are pretty much all in the classification of homosexual.
I am homosexual, my wife is heterosexual. This creates a unique marriage experience that many do not understand. For many years I tried to fit into the box of heterosexuality. I tried my hardest to create heterosexuality in my life but this also created a lot of shame, a sense of failure, and discouragement. Nothing I did seemed to change me into a heterosexual even though I was in a marriage that included heterosexual behavior. Very often when I am in situations with heterosexual men I clearly see that there are facets of our lives that are distinctively different as it relates to our sexuality, and other things as well.
Smid ends by saying that honestly accepting your sexual orientation can open the door to a faith and life that makes sense:
I hear story after story of men and women who accept themselves as being gay, in Christ, and finally find that life makes sense to them. Many are able to then nurture an authentic relationship with Christ because they are being honest and authentic with themselves and finally are able to accept His love unconditionally which changes the dynamic of their understanding of Him. Far too many homosexuals who are seeking Christ perceive that they cannot come close to Him if they remain a homosexual. In this mindset they search feverishly for change that will not come to them.
These are important admissions for a former Exodus leader of Smid’s significance. He was the centre of attention during the controversy over Zach Stark, the Memphis teenager forced by his parents into attending Love in Action’s Refuge program. In four years, he has gone from being head of Exodus’s best-known and oldest established ministry to stating that he is and always has been gay, and admitting that gay Christians in same-sex relationships can and do exist. And more than that — he can’t condemn them for it.
There is a certain haziness to Smid’s new statements, and rather than taking an unambiguously pro-gay stance, he errs on the side of caution. But it’s progress, and he indicates he’s open to widening his viewpoint:
I was completely unwilling to hear anything that didn’t fit my paradigm. I blocked out anyone’s life story or biblical teaching that didn’t match up with what I believed. … Now that I am not submerged into one sided perspectives, I am open to studying and reading the scriptures for myself, I am finding so many rich truths that I wasn’t ever made aware of before. For the first time in all of these years, the scriptures that many have said refer to homosexuality are making sense! I am reading them in context. I am asking questions about who the passages were written to. I am asking what was being talked about, and why the words were written in the first place.
Peterson Toscano, who received therapy under John Smid’s leadership at Love in Action, has weighed in on his blog. He mentions that even back in 1996, Smid told clients same-sex attraction was unlikely to be reversed, although I would note that, in Exodus, there’s a big difference between saying, “I have same-sex attractions” (as Smid used to) and saying, “I’m homosexual” (as Smid says now). And there’s a big difference between saying it privately, within the ministry, and saying it publicly.
That said, Peterson offers a useful perspective, encouraging us to embrace the positive while being wary of the potential for more confusion:
What I do find heartening is that John is willing to listen to others he had previously shut out. I can imagine only good will come of this listening process. I imagine he has much to learn and unlearn after 22 years of receiving and providing misinformation. I hope he finds useful resources, perhaps takes some queer studies classes, listens to many voices within LGBTQ communities and that he reads a lot of helpful books on sexuality, gender, orientation, queer history, and theology. As he seeks to become a spokesperson again (which seems evident from his blog and the announcement of his book) I hope he can become an informed source this time. We do not need more confusion out there.
Thank God for John Smid!!!
It is gratifying that John Smid has now publicly confirmed on his website what he said last year in conversations with Michael Bussee and Warren Throckmorton.
This morning, on BBC Radio 4’s “Thought for the Day”, the Rev. John Bell of the Iona Community in Scotland said, in reply to the argument that homosexuality is “contrary to the order of nature”, that “The natural order has always produced exceptions.” It is pretty clear that if there are indeed men whose orientation has gone from homosexual to heterosexual – and a universal denial would be a reckless statement to make and an impossible one to prove – then they are very definitely an exceptional category within an exceptional category.
I have often said the so called christian view of gaypeople creates two classes of sinner…gay people and everyone else.
Gay people are damned by god unless they completely toe…or pretend to… the antigay line. And even then, they have an intrinsic tendEncy to grave Moral evil, unlike anyother sin EVER.
Everyone else is “we’re all sinners but WE get a get out of hell free card”.
I even had a good xtian tell me they dont allow homosexuals in their church, just the btterclass of sinners.
Oh, ye scribes, pharisees, hypocrtes.
… This unfolding drama does not suprise me in the least, especially the shift in position that is occuring in Smids stance, understanding and awareness. As a gay man, and as someone who has done some of my own homework on the apparent power of my own “shadow” around sexuality, it makes sense that someone in denial, would be the greatest cheerleader for the opposition… When you tie that to religion and you can get away with hiding it under the guise of “God”… look out! Until shadows are uncovered, we cannot understand the depth of chaos it creates in our own lives and the lives of others… in this case the ripple became a tsunami and countless lives suffered and continue to suffer as a result of the denial of one persons experience
When “Love in Action” was in Marin county in California back in the early 1980s, there was a Latino in charge. I want to find out his name. I already found out that Kent Philpott was behind it all, but he’s not the one. Who was the Latino?
….another positive step forwards. I think for many of us the journey to true acceptance of our gay selves can be long and arduous……even one step forward and two steps back at times.
22 years for me…..but even after coming out there was still stuff I was holding on to that didn’t serve me. 6 years later i was able to let go of al the religious shame, guilt. fear and condemnation to embrace fully and healthy my gay self.
Seem like John has taken another important step.
Pathetic and unfortunate. We each struggle with many things in life. Should i give myself to sexual lust (be it heterosexual or homosexual), alcoholism, drugs etc because i have been trying for years to quit and have not been able to? I think NO! Thus is life: a continual struggle with feelings for which we have a strong propensity to but which deep within us we know is not expedient both spiritually and physically! I pray Smid realises someday that he has erred from the right path and come back into the struggle over the lusts of the eyes and of the flesh! Many have erred before and came back later!
I am happy that Mr. Smid has recanted his absurd, hateful and hurtful teachings, and I hope that he is man enough to make amends to all those he has injured with his homophobia and self-hatred.
And even though I still condemn him for his hypocrisy, I welcome him to the light and wish him the best on his journey of honest self-discovery.
He should withdraw from any public role and not minister to anyone. The harm he has caused others suggests that he’s an egotist and self-centered, always trying to mold others into something he can appreciate and control. I doubt these harmful aspects to his personality will change even if he acknowledges that in some small part he was wrong.
@Eta MN
Eta,
The prodigal has come home. John Smid has taken a giant step toward honesty and integrity.
It’s absurd to compare ones sexual orientation (in this case, gay or lesbian) with alcoholism or drugs. How one chooses to act or not to act (in the case of celebate gay christians) is different and is a choice where the sexual orientation, in itself, is not chosen.
@D. Koop
Everyone has to decide for themselves of course, but I’m not quite prepared to make such a sweeping comparison (to the prodigal son). As Peterson Toscano was quoted as saying in the OP, Smid has made similar statements about change, or the lack there of, in the past. It does seem he is making an effort, and I think this is a good thing, but caution is advised. If he maintains this trajectory well after his book is published, I will think him more credible.
Life is to be lived. And it’s too short to torture yourself. Nuff said.
All I can say is WOW!!!
I really wish that we could separate the sexual portion from our understanding of being gay. I can honestly remember being 6 years old, and having affection for certain other boys, and this was years before I ever had a sexual feeling. I’ve always thought that certain males were beautiful, and special. I didn’t start thinking sexual things about them until I was well into puberty. There’s nothing wrong with loving certain men for their rare virtues. Men love Jesus, after all, don’t they? I think that a lot fewer men would be so promiscuous if they really accepted themselves. Sometimes, we fall into that behaviour out of fear, self-rejection, curiousity, pain, or just pure rebelliousness; which all happen to stem from being rejected. Society would serve itself a lot of good to accept homosexual love.
Perhaps the question should have been posed as ‘which is better (not worse) a Gay 30 yr couple or a heterosexual married 5 times…! YO…butch it up, my partner and I are on year 38, we have stayed together through things that are hard to believe, health, being the main one (cancer, crippling arthritis etc)…so, now Mr. Smid, I wish you luck in finding yourself a partner, if that is a goal…and “Exodus International…”…I say ‘GO OUT OF BUSINESS YOU SCAMMERS!
@ Eta MN
Being gay isn’t just about lust– it’s also about love, about building a life with someone. Raising kids, paying the mortgage, and being a part of your community as a couple with the person you love most in the word are not things to “struggle” with. They’re some of the healthiest things you can do, physically and spiritually.
Trying to change who you are, though, is not. The guilt and stress of self-hatred do serious damage to your mind, your body, your soul, and your relationship with everyone around you. I think Smids has made an important step to being the best person– and the best Christian– he can be, and I hope that the same thing can happen for everyone else who struggles with trying to change how they love.
@Eta MN
What garbage!!!
I certainly am glad to see Mr. Smid has proven for all ex-gay organizations; You can take a gay Christian out of the gay life, but you can’t take the gay life out of a gay Christian.
GCMWatch is crying right now.
It should be noted that he still believes that people can change attractions sufficiently to lead a satisfying non-gay life.
I wrote the following comment over at Box Turtle Bulletin, and thought it might be useful to the discussion to post here as well.
I recommend that Smid take a tour of Africa and talk to all those who had been brainwashed by his groups to believe that being gay is a moral and mental illness that gays are curable. Some of those people believe it’s curable by death, imprisonment and social isolation.
Some of those hypocrites people like Smid brainwashed, example Senator Rev. Deacon Domingo Idowu Obende of Nigeria are currently working on account of the American Christian extrimist religious groups, to ban same-sex marrige or any form of gay union in NIgeria. I include our petition and loud cry to the world to please come over and safe us from this planned peril.
http://www.change.org/petitions/nigeria-stop-the-anti-same-sex-marriage-bill-decriminalise-same-sex-love
(This is not a spam. Please visit change .org and sign this petition. Help us spread it like the endless sky too. Thanks.) Smid, I welcome you to the light of truth. John Adewoye Couragenigeria.org
That is true David, simply because one is inate and natural, while the other is circumstantial and acqurable. @iDavid
Though I am not an ex-gay, I believe it is tantamount to express that has not only John Smid’s type affected “ex-gays”, but the entire human race, as we are all aware, some to the point of suicide. Pitting parents against children, government against religion, seculars against religiots, and people in general against God, is horrifying for humanity. I also understand that John has had an epiphany that has caused him much much grief about how he himself was hypnotized by his beliefs. So much so, that he denied his very core reality as a sexual being and projected irresponsibly his inner war, to the point of destroying others. It is time he project inner peace to offset negation, and heal not only himself, but the masses involved within his machinations.
Judeo-Christianity is for many, psychologically genetic, and the drift away from eons of manipulation is not an easy feat. For that I applaud him. As a strong gay male in my sexuality, I can’t tell you the amount of energy I had to use to completely rewire my entire take on my own inner bewildered “Christian”, mainly from the attack exacted by those like John that soothed and coddled such deeply ingrained sexual insanity ruled by “God”. For that I am truly thankful. It eventually gave me a perspective I had never had to entertain, and a new life in reality that I never would have encountered without this horrifying push. I never questioned being gay or tried to change any part of my expression, that was set in stone. But the endless sexually abusive attack on my core self by false religious teachings hurt deeply, caused acute depression, and was entirely devastating. It made me rethink my entire take on God Jesus and the entire religious “model”. It took me harshly to task watching religious structures massively bury people in emotional graves who did not think within this hypnotic sexual fantasy replacing rational thought with evil intent to confuse and derail. This is the definition of “God’s soldiers” set to destroy anything in it’s path regardless of rational thought and human fallout. These are the Dark Ages resurrected. I deduced this is the way of the “good Christian soldier”.
I personally would like to see John Smid publicly denounce the use of the word “Change” regarding sexual orientation. Change is not applicable in the crude form intended. The word “Change” used in the advertising of Ex-gay programs is manipulative dismissive coercive and false. It is the first attractive hook used to seduce and coerce mentally weak gays and bisexuals, into rabid self doubt depression and sometimes suicide. I would like to see his public forum move onto national news programs, and start a world wide discussion so badly needed at this horrible helm of a ship filled with religious sexual irresponsibility. I would also like to see this media blitz followed by a book, though to put off immediate media forums for a book deal would not bode well. I feel his curtain call, is now. I would also like to hear him speak that some biblical teachings are flat out wrong and never should have been exacted as “truth”. For Catholics, it used to be a “sin” to eat meat on Friday. That is no longer the “belief” and this is where all “God Speak” about homosexuality in the Bible needs to land. I would also like to hear him publicly recommend that the word “change” be used for changing ones personal belief that we are somehow defective for being gay or bisexual, and use “change” through i.e. therapy, religion etc, to accept rather than reject the sexual self. I’d like to see him take that negative connotation of the word “change” and make it positive. I would also like to see him drive home, that sexuality is NOT a “choice”.
I believe John’s honesty work has just begun. I feel his negative drama has leached into the bowels of humanity and produced a sexual emotional cancer that he must now attempt to remove, with his entire being, with his entire life, for the rest of his natural born days. I feel this to be a worthy “sentence” for sexual bludgeoning, of which all, including himself, will gain greatly. I believe he owes this via fierce public disclosure, by becoming an international public beacon of light for a world sexually gone wrong. Falling short of this possibility would be but a travesty. He has a chance now to call sexuality into the the true light it holds, a beautiful loving creation and nothing less. I feel such forward movement into the bright lights of pubic domain, will further if not complete, his personal redemption.
I support you in this John Smid. It all boils down to love. Help the world love itself more John. Speak your truth, and don’t hold back. Anything short of this could only serve to haunt you. We don’t need your partial voice. We need your full voice.
Tag. Your it.
@John Adewoye
I feel for your plight John A. I was the 260th to just now sign your petition. Much damage everywhere. I will forward this onto many. Our hearts reach out to you and yours.
iDavid
You know what? Spinning around on this big ball can be tough enough, what with there being things out there that can send any one of us off to terminal dreamland at any second of any given day. If a person can find some satisfaction, peace and happiness from loving someone else, and being loved in return, during their short time here, then go for it.* And if your religion has a problem with that then it may be time to say this to the spokesmen of that faith: “Love; you’re not doing it right, dude.”
Poor Randy Thomas just can’t get over the idea the tooth fairy isn’t real. I’m sure he and Alan Chambers are having a good momma-betrayed-me cry together over this one. At least Randy dug up enough excess estrogen to write about it. It has to be tough when a bully like Smid tells you he fully bullied you into believing your entire faux sexual life he downloaded into you is a complete sham. Ouch.
But I am very glad Smid retrieved his brain back from Uganda.
http://randythomas.co/leaders-disappoint/#dsq-add-new-comment
@Eta MN
“Thus is life: a continual struggle with feelings for which we have a strong propensity to but which deep within us we know is not expedient both spiritually and physically!”
After years of arduous struggle, Smid finally gave up hate… which can be just as addictive, destructive and gratifying as any drug.
I wish him the best.
I’ve also signed it.
@Ben,
Cool, John’s request is engaging. Thx for the “bravo”. T’will be interesting to watch where this Smid drama goes for helping on a large scale, or if he even helps at all.
@Eta MN
Common its not like he is a child molester, i´ll never understand you christians, for me its simple, for him being gay is the same as it if for you to be straight, theres not inherent evil in being himself and doing what any gay person would do, just live their lives.
But for you its outright sinful and immoral but thats your own belief.
Why is he trapping a heterosexual woman in a marriage with a man who cannot love her as she deserves to be loved. I realize that it is her choice also, but having been married for 35 years to a man who could not admit to himself that he was gay, I understand how much that slowly — day by day — wears away your sexual self-esteem. We have an international organization for those of us who are (or have been) knowingly or unknowingly trapped in someone else’s “closet”: The Straight Spouse Network: http://www.straightspouse.org/
This organization is also for men who are married to women who come out as lesbian.
It is a very long healing process for the straight spouse.