Ex-Gay Watch

Our local team joins this excellent effort, so I just had to post it.  Thanks guys!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

full transcript / msnbc video

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Ron Reagan Jr. was filling in for Chris Matthews last week on Hardball. In the “Let me finish” portion at the end of the show, Ron refutes (fmr. Sen. (R)) Rick Santorum’s (et al), claim that gay marriage will lead to polygamy — the “slippery slope” fallacy/argument.

The pith of it is this:

Ron Reagan Jr.: “Santorum and many of his anti-gay colleagues can do a lot better than paper towels. They’re fond of claiming that if gay people would be allowed to wed, we’d also have to allow polygamy, incest and bestiality. This assertion is so absurd some people find it difficult to argue against.

If you find yourself similarly flummoxed, just point out this very simple distinction. Laws against polygamy are non-exclusionary. Whether you are gay or straight, black or white, Christian or Muslim, you can’t be married to more than one person at a time. Preventing gay people from exercising the same right as their fellow straight citizens creates a separate unequal class of people, it is exclusionary. That is the only meaningful distinction you need to keep in mind when arguing with people like Santorum.”

Not so slippery a slope after all.

Now let’s add some glue to that slope:
Read more…

It’s not news that the solution Exodus gives to young people for their attraction to the same sex is to refrain from acting on it and “deny themselves for Christ.” But a recent article brings Exodus to a new Orwellian level, this time by saying that being ascetic with one’s interpersonal relationships is a Godly calling when you are gay.

In “Loneliness is Good,” an article cross-posted to the Exodus Student Blog, Mike Goeke tells of his struggle to find Christian male friends after being told doing so would be a way to help heal his homosexuality.

I read many books, and a common ‘cure’ for my problems included finding some good male friends with whom to have healthy, authentic relationships.

This is in line with the disproven hypothesis that gay men become gay because their lack of “authentic” relationships with other men, especially of their fathers. But despite joining an inter-denominational Bible group, Mike found himself more alone than ever:

I sat alone most nights, and rarely spoke to anyone.  I looked around the room and everyone seemed to know everyone else.  Instead of finding friends, my loneliness only seemed to grow heavier.

One night, after he had decided to give up on Bible study altogether, God caused him to come to a realization.

In the dark of my room, as I expressed my frustration, I sensed God speaking into my heart.  He said, not audibly but clear nonetheless, “go to the Bible study to meet ME.”

In the days that followed, I realized that my greatest need at that moment was not connecting with a friend.  My greatest need was connecting with my God.  As I quieted myself down, it became clear to me that God could not entrust me with the kind of friendship I longed for at that time.  I had set up ‘friends’ as a sort of idol and made friendship the key to my joy and my fulfillment and my healing. I would have devoured friends had He given them to me then. God was gracious in many ways to deny me what I so longed for because it compelled me to Him and the true source of my affirmation and identity.  And, amazingly, as I pursued a deeper relationship with God, I found myself developing relationships with other men, and the friendships I had longed for began to happen.

For ex-gays, just about any red flag or stumbling block can be justified as part of the struggle, maybe even as a message from God Himself. Struggling to make friends? God must be denying you friendship for some reason. And it must be related to your struggle with homosexuality. Exodus’ real purpose, it appears, is helping one rationalize all of life’s stumbling blocks into something God intends.

I have gone through several seasons of loneliness.  I believe that God orchestrates those seasons in my life – in all of our lives – to help pull us back to Him.  We can be so prone to lose sight of Him and to make something else or someone else our center.  But when He becomes all we have, we realize more clearly that He is really all we need.  When He, in His godly and relational perfection, speaks affirmation and friendship and love and acceptance into our souls, we are perfectly satisfied.  And when we are perfectly satisfied in Him, we are so much more ready to be a true friend to someone else, and to receive true friendship in a healthy way.

I agree that any obsession or extreme dependency can be unhealthy. It can indeed cause one to lose sight of what’s important – for the religious person, it can cause one to lose sight of God. But why must simple social awkwardness or a struggle to connect with strangers be conflated with one’s struggle with same sex attraction?

God designed us to be in community and to be in friendship.  Those are good things, and things we all must have.  But God did not design us to idolize or worship friends and relationships.

It’s natural for human beings to seek out communion with other human beings. We are, with few exceptions, social creatures. Experiencing loneliness, even in an extreme way, does not mean one is ultimately “idolizing friendships.” But I suspect a different motive behind Goeke’s longing for and wariness of male friendship.

Befriending someone is a natural first step to a romantic relationship – something disallowed as a celibate gay person.

He promises that He can satisfy you, and you will discover the immensity of what it means to be fulfilled and have abundance in Christ alone.  And when your eyes are off of you and on God as the true center of your existence, you might just realize that you are not alone after all.

But such ethereal comfort is not the same thing as earthly comfort. This article does nothing to address specifics of a lonely, if religiously devout, life. The plain fact is, not all religious people are called to be celibate, and being forced to embrace such a lifestyle can cause extreme loneliness that feels anything but “good.” In fact, it can lead to depression, despair, and all the consequences associated with it.

It is a twisted way of telling young gay people that a “Godly” life of loneliness is how it “gets better.”

-Senator Mark Udall (D-CO) comes out in support of marriage equality.

-Joseph Farah claims that gays and Muslims are working together to destroy America.

-A 19-year-old is beaten to death in an anti-gay attack in Iowa.

-The Family Research Council quietly backs down from a false claim.

-A new study discovers that bisexuals really do exist.

-Focus on the Family worries that airing last year’s Prop 8 trial would lead to the murder of Christians.

-A judge in Texas forbids a gay father from leaving his children in the care of his legally wedded husband.

-Texas Gov. Rick Perry signs NOM’s marriage pledge.

-Yet another anti-gay politician is outed.

Randy Thomas believes change is possible, and to prove it, he changes his blog roughly once every six months.

His latest blog is Confessions of an Ex-Gay Superstar, and here’s his personal video introduction to the new site:

Amid dwindling support for Exodus International, Randy Thomas stepped down as its vice-president in April this year, taking on a part-time role coordinating digital media for the organization. In June, he left Exodus altogether, saying it was a “new season” in his life and denying any connection to Exodus International’s declining fortunes.

-Christians in Ghana march against “gayism.”

-Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann insists that she doesn’t judge gay people.

-GLSEN stands up to the Family Research Council.

-A Kentucky church is expelled from the local Baptist association for allowing a PFLAG group to meet in its building.

-Vermont Gov. Peter Shumlin marries a lesbian couple.

-Former senate candidate Christine O’Donnell walks out on Piers Morgan after being asked about her views on gay marriage.

-The Obama administration issues new immigration policies that may help same-sex couples facing separation by deportation.

-NOM president Brian Brown rehashes the claim that marriage equality will lead to legalized pedophilia.

-Esurance extends its discounts for married drivers to customers in same-sex relationships.

-Czech president Vaclav Klaus condemns the embassies of 13 European nations for issuing a statement supporting Prague’s pride festival.

-Jim Burroway is unimpressed by the turnout to Texas Gov. Rick Perry’s prayer rally, “The Response.”

-The American Bar Association awards one of its highest honors to Ted Olson and David Boies for their work against Prop 8.

-A married gay couple loses their battle against deportation.

-Five men are arrested on suspicion of homosexuality in Zimbabwe.

-Gay conservative group GOProud names Ann Coulter as its honorary chair.

-Chilean president Sebastian Piñera introduces a civil unions bill.

-The Republican presidential candidates voice their opinions on marriage equality during the Fox News debate.

-Yet another anti-gay politician is outed.

-A federal appeals court rejects NOM’s attempt to exempt itself from Rhode Island’s campaign disclosure laws.

The new documentary This Is What Love in Action Looks Like is the definitive account of one of the most shameful episodes in the 40-year history of the ex-gay movement. It’s the story of what happened to gay teenager Zach Stark at Love In Action, a Memphis, TN-based ex-gay ministry, in the summer of 2005.

Zach, then 16, told his parents he was gay. They reacted badly. “They tell me that there is something psychologically wrong with me, and they have raised me wrong,” he wrote on his MySpace blog. “I’m a big screw up to them, who isn’t on the path God wants me to be on.”

They enrolled him, against his will, in Refuge, LIA’s teen program. Zach described it as “a fundamentalist Christian program for gays.” For eight weeks he was forced to endure counseling and therapy, both individual- and group-based, in a strictly controlled environment. The object was to turn this gay teen straight.

But Zach’s story, which he tells here for the first time, is just the main thread in a narrative that interweaves several related stories. There is the story of the protesters, including many of Zach’s shocked school friends, who gathered daily outside the LIA facility to show their support for the teenager. There is the story of Lance Carroll, whose parents forced him into Refuge at the same time; in the film, he describes how hearing the protesters outside helped him survive the program. There are also former LIA clients Brandon Tidwell and Peterson Toscano.

And there’s the story of then-LIA Executive Director John Smid. Before I saw this film, I assumed the title was mostly ironic; it’s an account of what Love in Action is and does, but it’s also indictment of the hypocrisy: This is what love in action looks like? Sure.

But what comes through strongly in the documentary is the love of those who rallied around Zach. Local activist Janelle Treibitz says:

We also … came out with, like, a consensus about how we would conduct ourselves in these protests, how we would conduct ourselves to people, to staff members, and … our approach was one of love.

Smid recalls his daily encounters with the protesters:

… I remember driving through, and I heard something different. I heard these people in the streets saying to us as we left, ‘God loves you. God loves you.’ And I just felt a complete shift in the way I perceived the entire process. So for the next week and a half, every time I would come to work or leave, instead of feeling frustrated or angry or embarrassed, I felt loved and cared for by a God that loves me, using whatever vehicle he chose to use to tell me that.

Smid later resigned from LIA and, in 2008, began a new ministry with a different emphasis. In 2010, he issued a formal apology.

Director Morgan Jon Fox doesn’t appear to probe in his interview with Smid; as with other interviewees, he simply allows the subject to tell his story. So there is room for skepticism in evaluating where Smid has come from and where he’s going, and doubtless many gays and lesbians, especially ex-gay survivors, will be totally cynical. My policy is to welcome such steps tentatively, remembering that actions, and not words, will be the ultimate test.

While Fox concentrates on Love in Action, in doing so he provides a wider sketch of the ex-gay movement and its abuses. What we see of Love in Action in the documentary is not an isolated case; the denial, false hope and misguided love pervades the message and ministry of ex-gay groups across the world. That the story is told largely through interviews with those most intimately involved with the LIA controversy only makes the film more compelling here.

Other key players in the story declined to be interviewed. They include Zach’s father, Joe Stark, who stands by his actions, and Alan Chambers, Executive Director of Exodus International, the umbrella organization of which Love in Action is its oldest member ministry.

This Is What Love in Action Looks Like had its premiere in June, 2011.

Other upcoming screenings:

• August 27th at SHOUT, the Birmingham LGBT Film Fest
• September 10th at the Austin Gay & Lesbian Film Festival
• September 20th at ReRun Theatre, in New York City
• September 29-Oct 6 at OUT ON FILM, the Atlanta LGBT Film Fest
• November 4th at Indie Memphis Film Fest
• November 3-12 at REELING, the Chicago LGBT Film Fest

-Vandals trash the office of a Ugandan LGBT rights group and steal its member database.

-The National Organization for Marriage acknowledges that heterosexuals are destroying their own marriages.

-The Suquamish Tribe in Washington State legalizes same-sex marriage.

-The American Psychological Association unanimously votes to endorse marriage equality.

-The Sao Paulo, Brazil city council votes to institute a Heterosexual Pride Day.

-Gay Irish presidential candidate David Norris drops out of the race.

-Three Republican presidential candidates sign NOM’s marriage pledge.

-The last known gay survivor of the Holocaust passes away.

According to the IRS, the tax-exempt status of Americans for Truth About Homosexuality (AFTAH) was revoked on 5/10/2010 (PDF). The reason for this action is listed by the reporting organization Guidestar as a “failure to file a Form 990, 990-EZ, 990-N, or 990-PF for 3 consecutive years.”  These forms are required of legitimate non-profit organizations for review by the IRS and the public.

While the current incarnation of AFTAH appears to have been active since 2006, we found only one form 990-EZ on file — for the year 2009 (PDF).  In this, total receipts are listed as $110.000, out of which Peter LaBarbera received a salary of $75,000.  For perspective, this is approximately the same salary plus benefits claimed by Exodus president Alan Chambers.  Exodus lists eleven employees and a million dollar budget.

According to the IRS documentation on revocations (PDF), AFTAH can no longer be considered a 501(c)3 tax-exempt organization, and there is no process for appeal.  Donations made to them before 6/10/2011 are still deductible by donors, though any income after revocation may be taxed and require filing of a federal return.  LaBarbera appears to have been aware of all this, as the donations section of the AFTAH website no longer claims tax-exempt status:

Before Revocation

After Revocation

However, the footer of the “About” page still claims donations are tax-deductible:

"About" page footer

AFTAH is one of a handful of anti-gay organizations classified by the venerable civil rights organization Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) as a hate group.  According to the SPLC, this is due to LaBarbera’s intense marketing of untruths which paint gays and lesbians in a false and negative light (eg. promoting the claims of the discredited Paul Cameron, claims of a disproportionate incidence of pedophilia in gays, and Scott Lively’s assertion that gays headed the Nazi party, etc).

Thousands of organizations exist which claim that homosexuality is a sin or otherwise immoral, only eighteen are listed as true hate groups by the SPLC.  AFTAH is one of them.

Edited 9:33 am to include AFTAH footer.