Ex-Gay Watch

Bridges Across worked for awhile. But then, when the exgays realized that they couldn’t use the site for evangelistic purposes, they left. One right after the other. There are a few people still left who engage in the issues, but it takes two sides to have a true conversation. And exgay evangelicals find it difficult to exist in an atmosphere where there are out, proud, healthy, intelligent, spiritually fulfilled gay people — when their leaders are telling them that we don’t exist.
The fact of our existence made it difficult or impossible for exgays to participate. They began realizing that the either/or black/white world being painted for them was a lie EVEN if the out/proud gay people there supported them in their journeys.
Insularity seems to be one of the requirements of the exgay movement.

Steve Schalchlin, this is right on the money. Dialogue needs two people – and exgays don’t dialogue very well. I mean to truly listen to our stories, without trying to change us or covertly uncover your “root”. I’ve given up trying to talk to exgays for this reason – they can be so (unintentionally) rude sometimes. Inhumane even. They are so programed to filter everything into their preconceived idea of what it means to be a “man” or “woman” in the framework of a narrow legalistic Christianity that they just wear themselves out.

Maybe that is the strategy we (as a gay community) should adopt – the one by the Prodigal Father (who’s your daddy?). Let them go their way, and just wear themselves out with all the rules and effort. When they are finally tired of working so hard, we would welcome them back into the fold, no questions asked. It isn’t a matter of if, but when. The hard part comes in welcoming them back, especially if they have done/said hateful things.

When they are finally tired of working so hard, we would welcome them back into the fold, no questions asked. It isn’t a matter of if, but when. The hard part comes in welcoming them back, especially if they have done/said hateful things.

My visibility and sympathetic attitude towards exgay PERSONS (not their theology) has put me in the position of “welcoming” a number of exgays back into the world of reality. But it’s never, ever an easy journey because they come out of the exgay vacuum DESPERATELY wanting an intimate connection to another person — since they’ve been living like a starving person at a banquet who’s not allowed to touch the food.

And yes, they are not eager to jump into sex. What they want is intimacy, affection and love. That’s not easy for ANYONE to find, much less someone who has been spending years cutting off all his or her connections to the very people with whom he or she wishes to reconnect.

And they are also leery of “liberal” Christianity because the brain washing of the fundamentalist sects that dominate American Christianity right now go much deeper than simple sexuality. They are in a position of not just trying to free themselves of the “don’t touch/don’t have sex” mind control of the Exodus types, but also of their cult theology. In essence, they are people without a home — like ghosts hovering in the background, without family, without connections, without friends.

What Exodus doesn’t tell them is that once they break away from their natural course of destiny, they have no place to go once they realize they’ve been conned and duped.

I have no problem helping someone who wants to remain celibate and “exgay” if that is their true wish. I have maintained my friendships with many exgays. But I’m far more concerned about helping the ex-exgays who have been cut adrift. Thank god for Peterson and Christine who are concretely helping them with their outreach programs.

Exodus certainly has expressed no concern or use for the people they’ve abused and destroyed. As far as they are concerned, those people can rot in hell. And, for me, that pretty much sums up the entirety of the exgay movement: a cold, political, calculating group of sincere cultists who only love you if you join their group.