Former Ex-Gay Minister Recounts “Spiritual Rape” By Living Waters/Desert Stream
Growing up in a 1960’s conservative evangelical home, Scott Harrison not only knew homosexuality was a sin, he knew it was “the worst sin a person could do. It was worse than murder.” He described to the Southern Poverty Law Center the exorcism delivered upon him by a minister at Living Waters/Desert Stream [see edit below], a neo-Pentecostal ex-gay ministry. After a “very intense, dramatic” group prayer that lasted three hours, Harrison found himself “drenched in sweat” and “psychologically wounded.” Because of “how it happened and the incorrectness of the theology,” it “felt like a spiritual rape” to him. Harrison was the victim, but says it’s hard not to blame himself, even 20 years after the incident. When asked how he became involved in such a bizarre event, Harrison responds:
When you’re coming from a perspective that you believe God can give messages to people, words of prophecy, then it’s very easy to become prey. This guy got a team of people together. One of the aspects that is pretty strong in Vineyard, still, is that they believe that people can be “demonized.” Not meaning that a person is fully possessed by Satan, but that a person has given him or herself over to Satanic strongholds in his or her life, so that it may take an exorcism to release the various demons that this person has given over their lives to.
He adds that as an ex-gay minister,
I didn’t believe change was an easy process. People would have said, if you asked them in private, [that] the option was one of celibacy, as opposed to accepting oneself as gay and lesbian. When [ex-gay ministers] talked about change at that time, they were talking about behavior modification.
Not much about that has really changed, with Alan Chambers (head of Exodus International) claiming he’s never really met an ex-gay, and declaring that he wakes up every morning denying that part of his being that comes so naturally.
Harrison believes that legally, ex-gay ministries should be allowed to exist, but as faith-based organizations, not state-sponsored ones. Ex-gay ministries have no place in public schools, just like representatives of religious institutions are barred. And he says exposure to the messages of Exodus Youth (Exodus International’s ex-gay youth ministry) are downright dangerous:
I don’t think that’s healthy for anyone, but especially not for high school students. Teenagers are idealistic. They’re going to grab for that, believing they can actually change their sexuality, when we have plenty of evidence showing it’s not possible. What’s going happen when they don’t change? More youth suicides, more youths engaging in risky behaviors, feeling betrayed by the church and by God and giving up on their faith. If I’d heard that message as a teenager, I don’t know if I’d be here today.
Thank G-d he IS here today, to give us his valuable point of view.
Edit 1/3/2008:
Today we received an email from Scott Harrison with the following corrections to this story:
…the original interview had stated that the exorcism or deliverance occurred at the hands of the pastor of my church, the Vineyard San Pedro, not at the hands of leaders of Desert Stream or Living Waters, which were based out of the Vineyard Christian Fellowship congregations in Santa Monica and later in Anaheim, California. I understand that not all of these details appeared in the original interview and that it might have been possible to infer that the San Pedro Vineyard was somehow directly connected to Desert Stream or Living Waters.
The reality is that the San Pedro Vineyard supported the work of Desert Stream, but was not a host for ex-gay ministry. When interviewed, I cited the deliverance session as an example of how demonizing homosexuality (for example, referring to homosexuality as a satanic or demonic perversion of the “one true” sexual orientation of heterosexuality), which is the modus operandi of most ex-gay leaders, can open the door to all sorts of abuses such as what I experienced. I clearly stated this when I was interviewed and wish the SPLC article had been a bit stronger on this point.
I haven’t really left this thread to explore the other part of this site. If you recall I got into this thread by a single link that Jeff had email me. So I will have to find out the ways to stay around when this thread ends.
Alan S my group that I am involved in would agree with you. You said
“In other words, whereas the source of our life and grace comes from God, it can be channelled through others to get to us.”
They wouldn’t allow any sex in the relationship and would assist you in not becomming co-depenat or emotional dependant on others. Besides that they would encourage you to be at a place of being loved and at a place where you can give love to others. They look as isolation as not being a good thing for anyone to do.
John H, thanks for your perspective on ex-gay. Sorry to see that you are involved in something that, in my opinion, is harmful to you and many others, and with leaders who knowingly lie and continue to push this.
I appreciate the scriptures that you cite to justify your reasons for hating yourself, and continue to make yourself miserable. Please consider the following.
As you believe in God (as I do), then you must know that God gave you a brain to think wisely with. Then you must know that being gay, in and of itself is not wrong. And that there is nothing harmful about having a loving same sex relationship with someone you love. Instead of making excuses for not taking part in God’s gift to you, start accepting who you are and realize you can be close to God and happy at the same time.
We don’t live this life we have forever. So get going and choose to be happy, instead of finding and misinterpreting quotes under the guise of Truth. Good luck and best wishes!
The physical component of a relationship between two people is an outward expression of their inward love. Again, it is what is the intention that should be at question and not the act itself. If I am just using my partner in order to satisfy my lustful desires then, at least in my understanding of the Gospel, I would have committed a mortal sin and forefit God’s grace in order to satisfy my lusts. But if I am being intimate with my partner i expressing my love for him then it becomes an outward expression of an inward love that we mutually share. My intention would be to express my love for him in an intimate manner. There would be love envolved, and all love has God as its source.
As for being co-dependant and emotionally dependant others … well, we are humans and, with few exceptions, we are dependant on others emotionally, physically, and mentally. At our work, we seek approval and recognition from our bosses and coworkers and clients. As sons or daughters we seek the approval of our parents, their love, and their support. In a heterosexual couple, there is co-dependancy and emotional dependance. Homosexual couples should not be excluded from this basic human experience.
It is when this co-dependence and emotional dependancy overrides our co-dependence and emotional dependancy on God that takes us from the normal to being guests on the Jerry Springer Show.
It’s good to be around loving people, but I would find it difficult, in fact impossible, to not long for being with one person. I would never feel comfortable telling a large crowd my inner most feelings and would seek to find someone in the crowd who would be willing to be taken aside to talk to, not for a relationship per se, but just having a one on one friendship with someone whom I could depend on.
It is better that two should be together rather than one because they have the advantage of their society. If one falls he shall be supported by the other. But how sad it is for the one who is alone because when he falls he has no one to lift him up.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9,10)
Allan S said:
I understand. I guess that is where Orthodox Christianity and Sola Scriptura Christianity differs. For us, while we consider the Sacred Scriptures to be inspired by God, we do not believe our interpretations to be necessarily so. Nor do we consider Sacred Scripture the only source for our faith. While this is true, there are still many Orthodox Christians who hold the same views as those of Sola Scriptura Christians with regards to sex being only between a man and a woman for the sole purpose of procreation. And they primarily use Scripture to further their argument.
But there are many Christian churches out there who have come to the conclusion that Scripture does not condemn same-sex relationships, even when sex is involved, provided of course the couple is in a monogomous relationship united in the love of God. It would be to your best interest to at least hear what they have to say in order to draw your own conclusions.
In all honesty Allan H I’ve all ready study so much and so long on this issue. I’ve all ready done too much studying on this.
I know pretty much everyone feels the same as Allan. I’m following what I feel is the conviction of the Holy Spirit. If I am wrong everyone here really needs to pray for me.
John H,
You are never wrong if you go with your heart and what you feel God is calling you to do (as long as it does not harm yourself or others). But remember the Pater Noster (the Our Father) where it says “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven” which means that we ask God to help us do his/her will, what he/she wants us to do. This means, in the words of the Blessed Virgin Mary, “Here is God’s slave; let it be done according to his word.”
If you recall the story of the Annunciation, Mary had already had in her mind how her life was going to be. At least she was not planning on being the Mother of God. When the archangel Gabriel revealed to her that she was to be the Christ-bearer, she didn’t doubt God’s message but rather wanted to know how it was to be done because she did not see herself capable of such a role. I think as gay Christians we too wonder how we can be in a loving relationship when we have been told that there are certain requirements for a relationship, and we are told that we do not have those requirements. Like Mary, we question how can we do something that seems impossible. But God revealed to her his plan for her and she accepted. So too, as gay Christians, we are given a revelation that God has a plan for us as well. And that plan can be to obtain a loving and caring relationship if we, like Mary, are willing to exchange our will for God’s.
I will pray for you not that you are wrong but that, like all of us, we need someone to pray for us every now and then. I ask for your prayers as well.
dear john h
i think youre wrong (about this). i think its great that you can be open to the possibility of being wrong…the conviction of the Holy Spirit can be a difficult thing to be sure about … in 1 John the apostle speaks about our hearts condemning us when God doesnt…so our hearts can mislead us … false guilt…straight (scuse the pun) from the accuser of the brethren… it worries me that when it comes to sola scriptura we evangelicals tend to shift from “in God we trust” to “in some long dead, unknown, poorly resourced, medieval scribes and translaters…we trust” especially when it comes to verses that biblical scholars admit are unclear containing words that we are all uncertain of (e.g. arsenokoitoi and malekoi) and about such currently and historically contentious subjects such as sexuality – and homosexuality at that! why dont we trust God and what His word clearly says is the most important thing: LOVE! and try to understand the rest of t he verses in THAT light? some new research is strongly suggesting that the levitical laws are actually condemning temple prostitution as is Paul’s use of the word arsenokoitoi in 2 of the 3 NT references to date taken to refer (erroneously) to all homosexual activity… hope that helps?
I was deeply scarred by Desert Stream when they were in the Marin County area (San Rafael?) around 1981. I am a liberal Episcopalian today and rejoice that I found the truth that Jesus loves me and includes me in His Kingdom just as I am, which today means proudly gay despite the harm done to me by Desert Stream’s attempts to make me hate myself. Just because these so-called ex-gay ministries are escaping human justice for their crimes in this life does not mean they will not face the wrath of God in the life to come. They are spiritual rapists, and do permanent psychological harm to God’s precious children.