Ex-Gay Watch

From A Tenable Belief:

In an April 29 column in The Washington Post, William Saletan “notes that 6,000-7,000 couples have taken up covenant marriage since 1997, and over 40,000 gay and lesbian couples have taken their commitments to the maximum level allowed, be it registering as domestic partners, civil unions, or marriage….”

Fewer than one percent of heterosexual couples have upgraded their marriages at a time when self-described moral conservatives have succeeded in passing constitutional “protection” of these lackluster couples from the threat of loyal and monogamous same-sex-attracted couples.

Given the unpopularity of truly committed marriage among the religious rightists, in all seriousness why not permit covenant marriages for gay couples?

Upon the news of Rosie O’Donnell agreeing to co-host ABC’s daytime TV program The View, Steve Boese’s blog A Tenable Belief observes:

Stephen Bennett touted his chance to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with Rosie O’Donnell at her blog almost a year ago. She posts mostly in verse, leaving things somewhat cryptic at times, naming Stephen “my born again straight man” …

To which Bennett responded a week later (June 4, 2005):

Ro – whether you like me or not, I care for you. I have no question you are a wonderful mother – and you and I are alike in so many ways.

Took Chloe and Blake today to the Seaport in CT to feed the ducks, buy them a little junk toy that will end up in the “Island of Misfit Toys” someday. Chloe (6) has 900 Barbie dolls – all with broken arms, afros and more. Blake (4) has every Bionicle and Power Ranger thing you can imagine.

I sincerely hope to be friends – not enemies. Opposites attract. Irene and I would love to come on the cruise – and pay the price. I truly have a heart and compassion for GLBT people — and I KNOW we’d hit it off with Kel’s parents. I just wonder if we would be welcome to cruise with you all. We’ve never been, and know we’d have a blast.

By the way, I saw Patty Lupone in Evita on Broadway 3 times and adored her. Her voice is beyond description. I’m getting the CD tomorrow.

Hope to hear from you – we’ve met many wonderful new friends from your blog – and we’d love to further our friendships. We are not gay – and I would hope that wouldn’t matter. Some of our best friends are gay and lesbian.

Sincerely in love,

Your “born again straight man” (your words)
Stephen

Much love, peace and friendship…

As ATB notes, Bennett’s previous comments about O’Donnell have been far from “loving.” ATB gives Bennett the benefit of some doubt — waiting to see whether Bennett has mellowed or matured.

Blogger Steve Boese at A Tenable Belief has been spending too much time digging through the archives of exgay performer and activist Stephen Bennett.

In an undated video linked near the top of his personal testimony page, Bennett says:

We need to love the sinner, but we don’t need to love the sin. We need to love and respect all individuals, but we don’t need to tolerate. Jesus was not a person who tolerated. When the woman was caught in adultery, what did Jesus say to her? “No man condemneth thee, so go and continue in your adultery?” No. [Jesus said,] “Go and sin no more.” God is not a god of tolerance. And when you really think about it — this is really radical, what I’m about to say, and I don’t want people to misconstrue this — God is a very bigoted god.

In his effort to glamorize bigotry, Bennett misdefines tolerance: He suggests that it is bigoted and intolerant to say “go and sin no more”; Bennett then affirms bigotry.

But the evenhanded and cautious rejection of unethical conduct is neither intolerant nor bigoted.

It is tolerant to reject what one considers a subjective ethical wrong while declining to defame, bully or prosecute the presumed offender. Showing mercy and humility toward presumed offenders is neither permissive nor morally relativistic; it is a frank acknowledgment that most presumed offenses are not worthy of harsh punishment and that one’s own subjective behaviors may be comparably offensive or imperfect.

It is intolerant, however, to discriminate harshly and dishonestly against some presumed offenders while granting special privileges or exemptions from criticism to one’s own potential offenses. It is bigoted to assume and to teach — with little or no viable evidence — that an entire class of persons is without exception subhuman, corrupt, immoral, lesser than oneself.

A genuinely moral God — or person — does not make sloppy, ignorant, false, prideful, unflattering, and exploitative assumptions about entire categories of people. But Bennett does preach such assumptions. And that may make Bennett ungodly.

A tolerant God may tell sinners — including Bennett — to go and sin no more, when that same God could alternatively be a bigot and smash entire communities for the sins of a scattered few individuals.

Bennett seems to be saying, “I am a bigot and proud of it. And God is made in My image, therefore God is a bigot, too.” Mainline Christians would consider such talk blasphemy. Unfortunately, there seem to be little disincentive against blasphemy among exgay and antigay movement leaders these days.

Historically, the gay community has been associated with left-leaning politics and has been suspicious of “big business” and capitalism. Some of this is the result of the Communist Party links of some early Mattachine Society members, some was due to anti-gay policies within industry at the time, and some was simply due to the attitudes of the youth in the 60’s and 70’s when the gay rights movement began.

For many years there was a general assumption on the part of “gay leaders” that government would mandate rights and equality for gay people and that business would fight them all the way. However, in recent years there have been circumstances where that assumption seems to be backward. The support in the fight for equality now seems to come as often from business as it does from government.

In recent years there has been a growing trend of Business taking an advocacy position in favor of equality, especially in the workforce. It was Big Business that funded the fight to overturn Cincinnati’s anti-gay city ordinance in a 2004 vote. It was Microsoft’s confirmation of support for non-discrimination laws that influenced the vote necessary in Washington. In the small Utah town of Kanab, the local businessmen are waging battle with the city government over a definition of family designed to exclude gay people. And in Minnesota, the presidents of 50 “creative class” firms sent Governor Pawlenty a letter requesting that he oppose an anti-gay marriage amendment. The management of Kraft, Ford, and Bank of America are all fighting against anti-gay motions brought by stockholders.

But one story that has got little attention is a small-town dispute in Santa Clara County in California:

Los Altos is a quiet community neighboring San Jose. Although part of the Silicon Valley and in the midst of one of the nations largest metropolitan areas, Los Altos still maintains a small-town atmosphere.

In 2004, the Gay Straight Alliance of Los Altos High School requested that the City Council proclaim a day in June as Gay Pride Day. Although it was initially resisted, the proclamation was finally granted and the kids celebrated with a pizza party. No one else noticed much.

In February of this year the GSA made their request again and this time they were denied. Los Altos Mayor Ron Packard said he considered gay pride proclamations “divisive and not appropriate to our community”. And not only did the City Council say “No!”, but they changed the rules to not allow the request to be submitted again. Ever.

Then the GSA got some unexpected champions. A group got together at the Chamber of Commerce to get involved. Now instead of a Gay Pride Day, there will be a parade through the center of town.

Technical assistance is provided by the coordinator of the annual City of Lights Parade. Los Altos Community Foundation is sponsoring the GSA to reduce insurance costs. Los Altos service clubs, school boards, businesses, religious groups, the League of Women Voters and individuals got behind it. The Foothills Congregational Church of Los Altos will be sending a float to the parade. Contributions are coming in from citizens and businesses to pay for the event.

Now students from Los Altos High will be joined by students from the Gay Straight Alliances at high schools in Atherton, Mountain View, Palo Alto and Sunnyvale.

The Los Altos High GSA has to return to get permission to use city streets for the parade. Should the City Council resist, the County has offered to shut down Foothill Expressway, a major local thoroughfare.

Confounded by city officials either hostile to gay youth or fearful of the revenge of the anti-gay activists, the kids found allies in their local business communities. Let’s hope the trend continues.

See news articles here and here.

Permission to reprint is granted to all.

From Alan Sears, president of the Alliance Defense Fund:

“Day of Truth” participants will hand out cards of their own, offering to share a candid, loving, fact-based counterpoint to the unspoken assertions of the advocates for homosexual behavior. While making their case from a Christian perspective, the “Day of Truth”ers will confront with compassion — not condemnation — and restrict their discussions to the periods before, after and between classes. [emphasis added]

The t-shirt pictured above was made by Tyler Chase Harper and worn to school in response to the Day of Silence. The school reacted and Harper quickly became the poster-twink for the Day of Truth and his photo is plastered on their website. Let’s contrast Sears’ message with that of Harper’s shirt. On the front:

BE ASHAMED
OUR SCHOOL EMBRACED WHAT GOD HAS CONDEMNED

On the back:

HOMOSEXUALITY IS SHAMEFUL

To top it all off, the Exodus Live Out Loud blog has linked to Sears’ article over at Baptist Press.

For many years the Caribbean has had a culture that encourages abuse towards gays. This has been most visible in Jamaica where a popular style of music seems obsessed with violence and death to gay people but now it is spreading throughout the area.
Read more…

This morning a donation appeared on Equality Rider Monica Carmean’s page from “friends of cadets” in the amount of $670. This hardly a coincidence since tomorrow the Equality Ride arrives at West Point. Under military rules, cadets aren’t allowed to “protest” in their official capacity and so the donation was done under the “friends of” title. Twenty cadets contributed to the donation, fourteen of whom are heterosexual according to my source at West Point who wished not to be named. I inquired how Monica was chosen as the recipient; One cadet “thought she was cute” and another had previously corresponded with her expressing their support.

In his latest newsletter, Exodus Youth Staffer Michael Ensley has some interesting things to say. I thought I would share some of them along with the thoughts that came to me while reading it.

Let’s face it; homosexuality isn’t really the problem here. We’re addicted to lust and satisfaction. We want to experience the same selfish thrill we enjoyed through acting out in the gay lifestyle, where there are little or no boundaries. [emphasis added]

… what a lot of “straight” guys are experiencing isn’t His will for their sexuality, either.

I’ve noticed that what ex-gays often call “the gay lifestyle” could really apply to anyone, gay or straight. It is a life of excess, substance abuse and sexual addiction. You don’t have to be gay to make lousy choices in life, though I can see where having one’s very existence challenged as evil and sinful could lead to a less than healthy response.

We have seen this pattern in countless ex-gay testimonies from Exodus, PFOX and SBM to name only a few. The problem isn’t that the subjects are gay, rather it is the choices they have made in their lives. The challenge should be how to face those issues that led to the negative behavior and deal with them – just like anyone else. For some, it’s just easier to blame the bogeyman of homosexuality and lay that at the altar instead.
Read more…

I have long suspected that the primary motivation behind the championing of the ex-gay movement by religious conservative groups has more to do with justification of anti-gay discrimination than it has to do with concern for same-sex attracted individuals.

This agenda appears to be evident in the positions taken by Exodus and many other “ex-gay leaders”. While they consistently claim sympathy with “those stuggling” or “those who choose to leave the homosexual lifestyle,” they show no interest in those who do not make that choice. Take for example this sentence from Randy Thomas about Christians and same-sex attracted persons in Iran: “I pray that those who want to find Christ will and those who want to overcome homosexuality will be allowed their right to self-determine that path for their lives as well.” You’ll notice who is not included in the right to self-determinatation of their lives.

In an effort to appear less intolerant, PFOX often claims that they “do not encourage change among homosexuals who are comfortable with their identity.” Of course this claim is a little difficult for us to believe, considering the extent to which they make claims about “health risks.”

On April 19, The Breeze, the student newspaper of James Madison University, published an article about PFOX and Liberty Counsel’s campaign to tell school children that “change is possible”. In it, Rena Lindevaldsen, senior litigation counsel for Liberty Counsel, made a statement that confirms my suspicions and the motivation behind this campaign:

“If you want to change, you can,” she said.

In other words, if you are gay, you are to blame. And therefore anything done to you is justified. Because you didn’t want to change.

Behind every smiling face on their little brochure is this same underlying position – anything dehumanizing, unfair or cruel done to those who are “in the homosexual lifestyle” is justified. Because if they wanted to change, they could.

Their message is not only gives a false hope to some poor kid that wants to be attracted to the opposite sex, but it demands that he blame himself for his same-sex attraction. And worse, it recruits him to join a campaign against the equality under law of people just like himself.

And all based on the lie that if he just wanted it enough he would become heterosexual.

When the Equality Riders (a group of students traveling to anti-gay schools to present an inclusive message of Christ) went to Lee University in mid-March, someone (believed to be a woman and teenage boy) painted “fags mobile” on their bus. Some Lee University students helped the Equality Riders remove the graffiti.

Today Mike Ensley of Exodus International took credit. Not for the graffiti, but for the clean-up.

While the reports on ER’s website credit the hospitality demonstrated by Lee University as acceptance of their message, I suspect it probably had a little more to do with the fact that, just two days before, Scott Davis, David Fountain and I shared our stories and taught seminars for thousands of students and faculty. I’m not surprised that the result was a greater outpouring of love. When will they realize that hate doesn’t come from us?

Ensley was probably not being ironic.

So, Mike, let me give you a timeline for when I’ll realize that hate doesn’t come from you:

When you stop spreading malicious lies such as all gay people were molested or had a poor relationship with their same-sex parent, that gay people do not have committed monogamous loving long-term relationships, and the myriad myths you propagate about the sex lives and “health risks” of all gay people. When you stop seeking to enact laws that would deny rights to gay couples that are taken for granted by straight couples, take away gay people’s children, and – in some states – incarcerate gay people for expressing their love to their partner sexually. And finally, Mike, when you stop lying to gay people about the methods, reach, failure rates, and agenda of the Exodus International.

Once you’ve done that, Mike, get right back to us and we’ll let you know whether you’ve convinced us that hate doesn’t come from you. In the meanwhile, you’ll understand why I think that your “love the sinner, but destroy his life at every opportunity in every way” type of message is more likely to result in vandalism than in clean-up.