Ex-Gay Watch

A quick glance at Mark A. Yarhouse, Psy.D

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Here’s an old story, well-known among ex-gays for a long time now; not so well-known among gays.

Noe Gutierrez, a star of the safe-schools/pro-tolerance video “It’s Elementary,” is now ex-gay.

At his web site, Gutierrez says that upon coming out as ex-gay, the video’s producers were intolerant and narrow-minded:

I called Women’s Educational Media. I explained how my change had come about very ‘naturally’ and how I felt as though this change should be given the same recognition as my initial “coming out of the closet” (i.e. from straight to gay). I figured that if the aim of Women’s Educational Media was ‘respect for everyone’, why not add ‘ex-gay’s’ to that list??

The response from Women’s Educational Media was less than hospitable. Our request was for the use of less than 3 minutes of footage from ‘It’s Elementary’. We only wanted a clip to show that I WAS in fact involved with the pro-gay movement. We were denied our request. Not only were we denied it but my identity as ex-gay was not acknowledged. It seems Women’s Educational Media does not recognize ex-homosexuals. In other words… they don’t believe that I exist.

Now, it seems odd to me that a company so adamant about portraying acceptance and tolerance would be so dismissive of a person who chooses a lifestyle that is “post-gay.” This seems to say, ‘Gay is OK… Ex-Gay is NOT.’ Why would a company so opposed to prejudice and intolerance discriminate against those who choose to identify as ‘ex-gay’?

The fact is that the plight of pro-gay advocacy groups in the public school sector is NOT about equal access of information, but rather it is about the propagation of the myth that people who are gay identified have no choice outside of accepting and integrating their feelings of same-sex attraction into a full-blown identity. Because the ‘ex-gay’ denies that claim, we are seen as a direct threat to such groups. This mindset is biased and clearly defamatory to ex-gay men and women everywhere. It makes one statement: Ex-gays don’t exist.

It’s clear that Gutierrez has acquired some stereotypes, strawman arguments, and resentment toward his former colleagues and companions. Why, is not so clear.

Warren Throckmorton is one of the ex-gay movement’s leading voices for science these days, though he has few scientific credentials. One of Throckmorton’s CDs features Gutierrez and other ex-gays recruiting high school students. Throckmorton has written letters and op-eds like this one calling on pro-tolerance organizations to acknowledge that one of their own, well, isn’t.

More information (pro and con) about Noe Gutierrez and his falling-out with the pro-tolerance movement would be appreciated.

A quick overview of Warren Throckmorton

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No Milk Please offers a parody today of what makes gay people unhappy, and why people “change.”

Jon Zuck of the normally peaceful and meditative Wild Things of God blog comments on “ayatollah” Pat Robertson’s latest “fatwa”: On Aug. 19, Robertson announced a death sentence against Iraq’s Muktada al-Sadr. How might a contemplative person of faith respond? Zuck offers a simple answer, and it’s not this:

BlogActive attempts to “out” Rep. Ed Schrock of Virginia, representative to Pat Robertson’s district, because of the lawmaker’s support of the Federal Marriage Amendment. BlogActive offers no evidence, however.

Earlier in the week, BlogActive attempted to “out” the chief financial officer of Concerned Women for America, Lee LaHaye.

Kirk Talley announced today (in an e-mail not made available online) that he has concluded a six-month period of retreat and redemption. He is resuming concerts, attending Maranatha Church of the Harvest in Lenoir City, Tenn., and continuing counseling. He thanks a long list of people, including his ex-gay counselors. Interested individuals may subscribe to Talley’s newsletter here.

John Aravosis noticed that one of Exodus’ favorite “news” sources, AgapePress, is asserting that the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II was no big deal.

Father Jake brings us up to date on the financial, political and religious misdealings of the American Anglican Council.

Episcopalian Bob Griffith comments on a Sam Harris op-ed in the Los Angeles Times. Harris finds fault with the Religious Right’s persistent refusal to obey the Bible — and polite society’s refusal to criticize religions when they explicitly promote intolerance and violence. However, one of Griffith’s commenters notes that Harris seems to be stereotyping people of faith.

Wayne Besen writes a regular column on gay politics for the Falls Church News-Press in suburban Washington. Here’s a list (via Google) of recent columns.

Bridges Across the Divide — an effort since 1997 to promote respectful communications among people who disagree over the morality of homosexuality — is gradually undergoing a massive update and makeover, starting with the site’s discussion forums. Congratulations to Johanna, Jason (Legolas), and others for the work done thus far.

Liberal Catholic remembers that chastity isn’t just for conservatives.

Psychotherapist Joe Kort offers advice to gay people on anger management — especially useful at a time when gay couples and their children are being harassed by antimarriage activists. Here is Kort’s review of Wayne Besen’s book, “Anything But Straight.”

Chris Matthew Sciabarra, a libertarian, assesses the upsurge in fundamentalism and end-times religion in American politics.

A pro-exgay religious group calling itself Repent America was kicked out of a Philadelphia Phillies game in early August for raising a banner that labeled gay Phillies fans as sinners and insinuated that the spectators were going to hell unless they become “free” in Christ. The end of the AgapePress article indicates that the group didn’t merely oppose “Gay Community Day” at the ballpark; Repent America wants ballparks to deny gay couples the right to express “public acts of homosexuality,” such as hand-holding or kissing.

Declining youth suicide was in the news when media outlets reported that growing tolerance and nonviolence toward confused and same-sex-attracted teenagers might be partly responsible. Baptist Press seems not to have reported that side of the story; instead, BP points readers to UTurn, an ex-gay organization. One of the group’s goals is to sensitizing youth ministers to the vulnerability of same-sex-attracted youth. Sounds admirable enough. Unfortunately, UTurn also aspires to deny teenagers access to the comforting, “almost church-like spirit of the homosexuality subculture” and to blame suicide on sexual choices, not harassment. UTurn also says it “will take the lead in calling students to absolute purity in thought, attitude, and behavior — long before their sexual orientation is healed. UTurn will hold out for them the same biblical standard of purity required of all people.” In practice, of course, the Southern Baptist Convention does not hold heterosexual male teenagers to a perfect standard of “absolute purity.” No word on whether UTurn will be accountable to family and community values by reporting success or failure rates.

What’s The Matter with Kansas? Thomas Frank, a Kansas native, wrote this book detailing the economic, religious and moral decline of Kansas. Frank attributes the decline, in part, to religious conservatism’s alleged abdication of personal responsibility to “God’s will” and to free-market capitalism that has bled the life out of family farms and remote cities. William Marvel, husband of a Kansan and writer for The New Hampshire Gazette, agrees and expands on Frank’s message. Reviewers at Amazon.com like the book, too. But Josh Chafetz — writing for the New York Times — says Frank’s book amounts to arrogant blue-state bigotry.

Sean Kinsell comments today on persnicketiness over the identification of people as “gay” or “homosexual.”

Both gay and antigay people can become very touchy when they disapprove of the adjective being used. In court, antigay lawyers called gay attorney John Rawls “homosexual.” Rawls protested. Naturally, the religious right goes nuts, warning that one gay lawyer’s sensitivity to being called “homosexual” means no gay activist on the planet can be trusted to support free speech. The American Family Association is quoted, accurately defining homosexual as someone who is sexually attracted to the same sex.

Blogger Dan Gonzales of www.modern.prosaic.nu wrote an e-mail to XGW about the AFA’s accurate definition of “homosexual,” saying:

This has interesting implications, since most honest ex-gays freely admit to having continued same sex attractions. By this definition that would make them homosexuals.

Essentially, I agree — to be precise, AFA’s definition would mean ex-gays are still “homosexual” or “bisexual” (adjectives).

Joe G. of beppeblog yesterday added his own fresh thoughts on Stephen Bennett’s pro-apocalypse article for the American Family Association.

Exodus announces its third recent ex-gay ad claiming “freedom” from “homosexuality.”

This time the ad appears in the conservative Christian men’s magazine New Man.

In commenting on the ad, Exodus spokesman Randy Thomas says, “After all, it is within the church that thousands have found relational freedom, which leads to sexual wholeness.” Unfortunately, the press release makes no effort to define “relational freedom” or “sexual wholeness.” And — without telling the reader — the ad seems to redefine “homosexuality” to mean only some forms of homosexuality, not those forms that are experienced and practiced by ex-gays.

Exodus says, “Three more ads will be revealed in coming months respectively featuring Mike and Angie Haley, Melissa Fryrear and a group ad of men and women from diverse ethnic backgrounds.” Mike Haley and Fryrear work for Focus on the Family, but the press release overlooks this pertinent information.

A PDF copy of the ad appeals to heterosexual Christian men to extend nonsexual male affirmation to “so many” gay men who need it:

Someone you know may be struggling with homosexual thoughts or behavior. If he can’t find the answer from a Godly man, where will he go? Please don’t look away. Take time to understand the roots of homosexuality, and you may find a mission field along the way.

The ad concludes with a pitch for an Exodus brochure that offers either “101 Frequently Asked Questions about Homosexuality” — or 101 strawman assertions of gay people’s beliefs, drafted by antigay activists… depending on one’s perspective.

Besides employing obscure language, quietly redefining key words, and neglecting to mention the ad campaign’s close connection to Focus on the Family, the press release also fails to mention something else:

Perhaps it is only a coincidence that the same issue of New Man contains a feature article claiming to debunk “gay theology” by stereotyping gay people’s religious beliefs. Only an excerpt of the feature is available online. It begins with extremely dated recollections of gay life by Frank Worthen, whose alleged mistreatment of ex-gays at Love In Action was devastatingly profiled, at length, in Wayne Besen’s book, “Anything But Straight.”

This morning, Janet Hensley — a volunteer for Stephen Bennett Ministries and an online "researcher" for Yahoo’s exgaydiscussion board — resumed spamming Ex-Gay Watch with a half-dozen posts in a row, all blindly accusing all same-sex attracted individuals of every evil that she, Bennett, or James Dobson apparently could imagine.

Ex-Gay Watch is a place on the web where exgay activists are evaluated and discussed. It is not an appropriate place for someone who listens to no one while posting lengthy, sweeping, unsubstantiated accusations and verbal tirades consisting mostly of cut-and-pasted, boilerplate religious-right hate propaganda. Nor is XGW intended as a soapbox for hate groups to blame forthcoming fundamentalist acts of mass destruction on the three to eight percent of the U.S. population who are same-sex-attracted. (Hensley’s sympathetic attitude toward satans who would destroy the United States is frightful.)

I believe people like Hensley have a right to air their runaway ignorance about same-sex-attracted people and their pro-apocalypse, pro-alQaeda distortions of the Bible — within reason. But this site is primarily about ex-gays, not about gay people. I want this web site to emphasize balanced, rational, (ideally) well-documented discussions about ex-gay programs and politics.

I wish to thank Hensley for inadvertently exposing serious problems in Stephen Bennett’s volunteer organization. If I could limit Hensley to commenting only on this page, I would do so. But that is not technically possible under TypePad. So, to prevent her from overwhelming the site as she did this morning, I have banned some of Hensley’s numerous IP addresses. I will consider readmitting Hensley in a couple weeks, after other XGW participants have had ample time to catch up with her accusations.

What follows is a record of her lectures against XGW participants. Tempers rise, and the language unfortunately gets ugly on both sides.

For those with the stomach to do so, I invite you to comment on Hensley’s propaganda (to the extent that this hasn’t already been done), point by point. Comparisons to paranoia, racism and cult behavior are not off-limits, but if they are made, I would prefer point-by-point comparisons between specific racist or cult activities and Bennett and Hensley’s activities.

If you wish to communicate with Hensley, you may do so via e-mail or you may attempt to join Janet on Stephen Bennett’s forums.

– Mike A.

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George W. Bush told Larry King last week that states can provide gay civil unions. Never mind that his Federal Marriage Amendment would have (depending on the wording) either banned civil unions outright or made them unenforceable in court.

Ralph Blair of Evangelicals Concerned reviews the antigay book “The Truth About Same-Sex Marriage” by Erwin W. Lutzer. Blair concludes that Lutzer abuses Bible passages, discards science, ignores the history of traditional marriage, and turns a deaf ear toward gay people while expecting them to listen in return.

Dr. Charles Wibbelsman of Kaiser Permanente credits gun control and gradual destigmatization of sexual orientation for a dramatic decline in the youth suicide rate since 1992.

Archbishop Desmond Tutu won the 1984 Nobel Peace Prize for leading a nonviolent struggle against South Africa’s apartheid government — and its benefactors among the U.S. religious right. Tutu commented earlier this summer:

A student once asked me if I could have one wish granted to reverse an injustice, what would it be? I had to ask for two. One is for world leaders to forgive the debts of developing nations which hold them in such thrall. The other is for the world to end the persecution of people because of their sexual orientation, which is every bit as unjust as that crime against humanity, apartheid.

Blogger Father Jake offers more of Tutu’s thoughts — and uncovers a list of punishments meted out against same-sex-attracted people across Africa and the Middle East: 10 years’ imprisonment in most nations, death in two.

Jon Rowe notes that, occasionally, a few antigay activists recognize the serious problem of heterosexual male pedophilia and statutory rape.

Overlawyered.com reports the latest on Virginia’s ban on gay civil unions.

PFOX director Regina Griggs wrote a letter to the Fredericksburg Free Lance-Star, published July 22. My response was published Aug. 12.

Exodus, the ex-gay network, offers back-to-school advice for same-sex-attracted youths.

Stanley Kurtz lost his argument that gay marriage has ruined Scandinavia, when Professor M.V. Lee Badgett refuted his circumstantial charges in a May article in Slate. But the debate continues, with opposing articles in Canada’s National Post:
Equality doesn’t harm ‘family values’, by Joop Garssen and M.V. Lee Badgett
Good for gays, bad for marriage, by M. van Mourik, A. Nuytinck, R. Kuiper, J. Van Loon and H. Wels.
Subscription is required for both links. I have both articles, but if someone knows where the articles might be available online for free, please let me know.

Stephen Bennett, working with the New York Christian Coalition, is raising money among antigay churches to post an ex-gay billboard in New Paltz, N.Y. The billboard is part of a broader protest against same-sex weddings performed at a local inn. A local equality activist said he supports the right to advertise but doubts the billboard will have much impact. “All people have a right to profess their beliefs, just as we do,” James Fallarino said. “But I don’t think it’s going to change anybody’s mind. I think they’re wasting their money.”

Blogger Chuck Currie reprints yesterday’s press release from Sojourners for takebackourfaith.org.

How has the love of Jesus, the Prince of Peace – and his good news to the poor – been distorted by the pro-war, pro-rich political agenda of the Religious Right? Our faith has been hijacked, and it’s time to take it back!

Click below to sign our petition and send a message to America that God is not a Republican or a Democrat, and that the Religious Right does not speak for you. Remind America that Jesus taught us to be peacemakers, advocates for the poor, and defenders of justice.

Sojourners is seeking donations to pay for a full-page ad in the New York Times. The ad effectively uses the Bible to challenge immorality, arrogance and greed among the religious right. But Rich Blinne, in comments here at XGW last week, noted that Sojourners’ “take back our faith” theme — borrowed from the religious right — risks offending moderate evangelicals.