Salt Lake City police, frustrated that constant arrests did not noticeably deter men cruising public park restrooms for sex, collaborated with public health officials, gay community leaders, and government officials. The results, as told by Deseret News, are worth a read.
Reporter Derek Jensen notes that the men don’t fit simple stereotypes:
Many are married with children, some are leaders within their churches and some, like former state Rep. Brent Parker [arrested in a February prostitution sting and charged with soliciting a male undercover officer], are leaders in the community. Behind their clean-cut, family-man facades, however, lies a complex inner conflict that pushes these men to seek out anonymous sexual encounters with other men in public places…
About 40 percent are married, [therapist Jerry Buie] estimated. The average length of those marriages is 23 to 24 years. More than 75 percent identify themselves as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. His oldest client was 89 years old, his youngest was 20. Less than 1 percent of the men Buie treats have had substance-abuse problems.
One trend has been observed, though:
Most of Buie’s clients are middle-age men. Cruising among men in their 20s and younger is much less common now, he said. Buie and others in the gay community say that may be indicative of society’s increased acceptance of homosexuality. John and other males his age grew up in an era when being openly gay wasn’t widely accepted.
John, one of the participants in the program, described his experience years earlier:
During his court appearance following his 1993 arrest, John recalled the judge taking particular delight in demeaning and humiliating him. The judge read the charges out loud in front of a crowded courtroom filled mostly with people who were appearing on traffic violations, John said. After the verbal berating, the judge fined John $500, placed him on six months probation and ordered him to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
“It was very embarrassing — extremely embarrassing,” John said. “It seemed like the whole focus of it all was to embarrass you and make a spectacle.”
His experience earlier this year was quite different:
The judge allowed John to waive a formal reading of the charges, sparing him the repeated humiliation of being labeled in front of a courtroom full of people. John said the court’s treatment of him after his latest arrest was “one of the better experiences for me.”
“There was a more civil way of treating me,” John said. “It’s a more human way of dealing with this. I think they’re learning that cruising is not just about the sex.”
Cruising is not just about sex? What happened to the narcissistic, thrill-seeking stereotypes of gay men?
Why some men, many of whom don’t openly identify themselves as gay, cruise is complex. To say that cruising is only about sex would a be gross generalization, say those familiar with the practice. There are varied levels of cruising — some of which are more about meeting other men who can relate to the inner turmoil over one’s sexuality. Sex isn’t always the inevitable conclusion. In fact, some men who go to well-known cruising spots simply sit in their cars without speaking or engaging in sex with other men. The need for an emotional bond drives many of them.
“Really, what cruising is all about, yeah, the sex is there, but it’s more to make a connection,” John said. “Especially here in Utah. You can’t go to [a] priesthood meeting and talk about your personal problems, where you can meet somebody at the park and just talk about the frustration you’re feeling. It’s not necessarily the sex, it’s being able to talk to someone else who knows where you’re at.”
The program doesn’t dictate its clients’ decisions, though, supporting men who choose a gay-affirming or ex-gay path:
Buie’s counseling sessions aim to desexualize the desired connections of men like John. Buie avoids dictating what kind of lifestyle his clients should lead. Whatever their choice, the point is to teach men that sexual rendezvous in public restrooms are physically and mentally unhealthy ways of dealing with their same-sex attractions.
“I try to put in perspective that, for whatever reason, homosexuality gets defined as purely a sexual thing,” Buie said. “Socially, that’s where the emphasis is. What I try to do is, if you will, desexualize what it means to be gay. What I ask people . . . is ‘What are your values? What is your sense of who you are?’ ”
For John, that has meant becoming an openly gay man. He hasn’t cruised since his arrest in March and now fills his days with work and numerous outside activities. When he does face the urge to cruise again, John goes through a mental checklist using the acronym HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired).
“All of those things were things that I’d misinterpret as I needed a fix,” John said. “I learned to do more introspective thinking. If I satisfied all those needs, then generally that drive to go to the park would subside. However, if the feeling for the need was still there, then the theory was it’s still OK to go to the park to cruise, but take it somewhere else, take it home.”
It seems to be effective:
During the program’s two-year existence, 144 men have completed the program. Only four have reoffended. Currently, 48 men are enrolled.
“You respect somebody, you get these kind of results,” [Salt Lake City prosecutor Sim] Gill said. “You humiliate someone, you end up getting the kind of results you did under the old model.”
Deseret News also profiles a more familiar alternative: Strict criminalization and public humiliation used by the Fresno County Sheriff’s Office.
“I hate for it to get confused with social issues because we’re just investigating crimes,” [Sgt. Rick] Ko said. “I think that Salt Lake City’s counseling program is great, but for our team I’m not going to hide these arrests and try to minimize the exposure for these people. That’s not my job. My job is to stop the activity, and the court decides on what the punishment is.”
But is arresting men at their homes and informing the local media bringing arrest rates down? Unfortunately, the article doesn’t answer that question.
Salt Lake City’s experience dovetails with New Zealand’s and Amsterdam’s — bringing STD and public sex rates down necessitates awareness of ex-gays as well as gays, married and partnered as well as single, closeted as well as openly gay or ex-gay.
I suspect that the estimate (40%) regarding the number of men who were married with children, which was provided by the therapist, is a bit on the low side.
About a year ago, there was an article in a CA newspaper regarding “public lewdness” arrests in a city there. (Ventura? Don’t recall) The police spokesperson said that on the order of 80% of those who were arrested were married, many with children.
I am a bit confused on this one Steve. Sex in a public place has nothing to do with being gay or ex-gay. It has more to do with poor choice of location in which to engage in sex regardless of current or theoretically former sexual orientation. Heterosexuals are fined for doing the same thing in public.
I am willing to admit that cruising was much more common in the days when law enforcement would raid gay bars or when sodomy laws were vigorously enforced. But, I am confused as to why an closeted or married person would engage in private behavior in a public place. It isn’t like the local cheap motel is going to call the police and with the Internet you could arrange an encounter without leaving home.Perhaps the men who were arrested were just too terrified of going into a gay anything.
IMHO, the issue of public sex is one of concern to the gay male community. Lesbians do not seem to engage in this practice. What we have faced for as long as I can remember is the charge that gays engage in sex in public: therefore gays deserve no rights or consideration. This charge is a staple of religious right discourse.
What this article, along with many others, shows is that men who engage in sex with men in public venues tend not to be outgays. Instead they are closeted. It appears many of them are what might be called exgay: married, family etc. The call of the gay and lesbian community for as long as I can remember has been: come out, come out wherever you are. This was Harvey Milk’s last request.
Whatever it is that prevents men from coming out tends to steer them into the path of cruising. Which frequently results in negative results for outgays. If exgays are in anyway implicated in this, then it is imperative for outgays to oppose the whole exgay path.
That in any event is the connection I see.
Good points, Jason.
I agree that the issue of public sex is not a problem because of the gender(s) of the participants.
The SLC police brought people to the table who could get to root of the issue, and in this case the issue was men hooking up with men.
The group they assembled looked at it from a public health standpoint. That often means recognizing that human behavior is seldom perfectly rational or logical, and deeper, more nuanced understanding is needed to produce effective solutions.
The collaborative effort in SLC revealed important facts about the men frequenting public places for sex. The conflicts playing out in their lives, often driven by fear (of living openly), denial (of same-sex attractions), or ambivalence (about being married and gay/ex-gay), impeded the ability of generally rational, responsible guys to be rational and responsible.
Ex-gay ministries like to market themselves as the solution for gays who feel trapped in patterns of furtive, unfulfilling sexual activities, generalizing that gay-affirming alternatives don’t work. Some gay-affirming folks assume that the only viable solution for someone who is married and also has same-sex attractions is to embrace a gay identity.
I found it notable that the Salt Lake City approach seems to strike middle ground. The guys have to start by taking responsibility by pleading guilty to a misdemeanor, and from that point forward the program is geared toward increasing understanding, reducing future harm, all by integrating behaviors with values and beliefs. Depending on the person, that could mean bringing behaviors in sync with ex-gay beliefs, resolving ambivalence in order to transition from ex-gay to gay-affirming beliefs, and most of all, learning to live more safely and responsibly.
That is good news in my book.
Blogger Joe Perez adds his comments on the Utah program.
This topic really caught my eye, because in my youth I engaged in the whole public rest stop scene as a way of expressing my sexuality. I in no way condone or encourage such behavior, but I like the fact that the SLC police treated this not as a crime, but as a social problem.
I know in my own experience, being a college student and living in a dorm or at home, there was no privacy to engage in sex, nor any money for motels etc. More importantly, taking the proactive steps of actually intending to engage in sex with another man that going to a motel would entail was beyond me at that point. I have often described the experience, without any puns intended, as eating a meal you don’t like, but you’re so hungry that you don’t care.
I didn’t want to believe I was gay, and felt enormous guilt and shame every time I went to a rest stop for a “quickie.” I never planned on doing it – I always went on the spur of the moment, and would say that 75% of the guys I hooked up with were married and deeply closeted like myself.
In addition to the sexual release such visits allowed me, it was also the only time I could allow the wall around my sexuality to drop – the physical touching of another man was far more important than an orgasm, and I think the SLC experience really shows that the men they intervened with felt the same way.
Wow, CPT… your first-person description puts a poignant human face on the issue for me.
Thanks!
I would like to comment on Mr. Buie’s therory; it makes sense to me.
For as long as I can remember, and that’s a long time, the sex has been secondary to the intamacy.And, that is how it seems to be with others that I have met. I found this article very helpful, and would like more information on how I might start a similar program in this area (Dallas Texas).
I can see many other avenues this could go, and lead to a positive result to the general community and to the gay community, open, closed, or ex-gay.
Jack
Those who might have an interest in additional information regarding this story may contact me at my e mail address. Jerry.Buie@comcast.net
Mr. Buie should be encouraged to avoid being coy. If he has something that might be of interest to those of us who read the web site, he should be encouraged to post it.