Reverend John Smid, one of the founders and now president and CEO of Love In Action (LIA), recently claimed homosexuals are intolerant of those who wish to seek “change” of their sexual orientation.
There are many people within that community who are very intolerant of people who choose to walk away from it,” says Smid. “And I find that some of the people like that are unsupportive of someone who says, “I want to be free from homosexuality, I want to walk away from this lifestyle. Or I want to live sexually celibate and free, or I want to pursue marriage.” There’s very little tolerance for the choices I’ve made in my life.
I think that we put our head in the sand and we kind of cover things with “plastic answers” about sexuality rather than really being willing to get into what I call the “swamp trip of life,” he says. “It’s hard to invest in people who are confused and struggling and have some really ugly things in their life“. [emphasis added]
The reasons for any individual’s decision to pursue “freedom” from homosexuality — whether due to societal prejudice or family concerns, or even pressure from groups such as LIA — are not presented for all to see. Mr. Smid’s own understanding of homosexuality (PDF) is already questionable.
There is no such creation as a “gay” or “homosexual” person. There is only homosexual attraction and behavior; accordingly, there can be no change from a sexual identity that never existed in the first place.
However, it is their own intolerance that shows in the blatant manipulation of the family and friends of those comfortable with their sexual orientation so they might do their bidding and patronize those who chose acceptance. It is also evident in their misinformation campaign to the general public, filled with misguided opinions of homosexuality through the Family Freedom Intensive program (formerly known as Refuge), and the Family & Friends Support Group.
Family Freedom Intensive
Societal and cultural influences have made our children vulnerable to increased assault while undermining the family unit designed by God to protect and nurture children into adulthood. The internet age has provided our young people constant access to experiences that can leave them sexually and relationally broken.Many parents are not equipped to respond to these issues when they surface in their children, and restoring safety and communication in the home can be a difficult process.
Many parents are not equipped to respond to these issues when they surface in their children, and restoring safety and communication in the home can be a difficult process. Love in Action is committed to helping families learn to stand and fight for what the enemy has stolen. The Family Freedom Intensive is a concentrated four-day course designed for parents with teen or adult children struggling with same-sex attraction, pornography, and/or promiscuity. Lecture, workshops, and break-out discussion groups give parents the information and tools to defend righteousness in their homes while interacting with their family in healthy respect. [emphasis added]
Family & Friends Support Group
The Family & Friends Support Group is for people who have a loved one involved in addictive, unhealthy, or out-of-control behaviors (alcohol & drugs, sexual addiction, homosexual behavior, etc).
Zach, now 19-years old, was forced to attend LIA’s Refuge program for teen-agers three years ago by his parents who thought they were “helping” him. Out of respect for his privacy, I shall not go any further into this, but the incidences of LIA’s negative influence on families are aplenty. Peterson Toscano, who spent nearly two years in LIA, detailed his experiences with his parents in his article, What About the Parents?
The program leaders and ex-gay spokespeople pieced together the profile of what made us homosexual. They provided us with a template that insisted that serious dysfunction must have occurred in the home. Even when we insisted that things were fine at home, they questioned us further and suggested that we were in denial.I have heard horror stories from lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people who have told me how program leaders targeted their parents, and in so doing, drove a wedge between parent and child. In some cases the leaders misused their power and even coerced participants to confront parents about past events. Other times ex-gay ministers hinted at neglect and unspoken abuses by parents. [emphasis added]
LIA’s audience, should they take this seriously, might ultimately be indoctrinated into an alternative, negative mindset about homosexuality, pitting LIA’s view against that of every professional, authoritative, medical and mental health organization. In effect, LIA breeds intolerance even for those perfectly comfortable with their sexual orientation. The misrepresentation of homosexuals as “confused”, “struggling”, “non-existent”, “sexually broken”, and having “ugly things” in their life has no place in the American Psychological Association’s stance on homosexuality, which of course had no place in Mr. Smid’s books.
The causation and cure model emphasized by LIA is necessary mostly due to self-inflicted prejudice for a non-existent “addiction” created in the minds of those trying to understand a different sexual orientation, and encouraged by those not able to tolerate differences in the name of their version of scriptures. LIA, according to Mr. Smid’s interpretation, is only heterosexuality, and their dogmatic views sadly marginalize an already misunderstood community.
Now homosexuals have to contend with the intolerance of family and friends, made worse by hateful behavior disguised as “Love In Action.”
From the pdf file I find the following statement:
However, the ‘argument of results’ shows weakness in Mr Smid’s statement.
If homosexuality is a sin like any other sin-of-choice, we should be able to find scores of people that have forsaken the sin quite successfully – perhaps comparable to those that have given up gluttony and are no longer obese. Even if there is an addictive component, we should still find numbers of ex-gays comparable to ex-smokers.
But the results of those that have repented of the ‘sin-of-choice’ of homosexuality are sadly very dissimilar to those that have repented of other sins-of-choice.
Jones and Yarhouse showed data that highly motivated people involved in Exodus ministries failed at the rate of two (2) times for every one success (an approximate 70% ‘failure’ rate).
If you are highly motivated and diet with assistance of a support group/counselor for three (3) years, faithfully following his/her advice, and have a 70% failure rate, then something is going on far beyond simple sin-of-choice. Therefore, Mr Smid’s assertion is weak.
I think that Mr Smid, who appears to be a concerned brother-in-Christ, has not given credence to our Lord Jesus who gave an insightful teaching on sexual anomaly: “Some are born; some are made by human interaction; some have chosen.” [Matthew 19:12] It is a ‘saying’ and therefore applies not just to eunuchs, and not just to issues of marriage.
Mr. Smid: ‘some are born’ and can never change, and ‘God has called them to peace’. ‘To their own master they stand or fall, and God will make them to stand.’ ‘Who are you to judge another man’s servant?’ [I Corinthians 7:15; Romans 14] What shall we do with Matthew chapter 12 – for ‘God desires mercy more than sacrifice’. What shall we do with the observance of the Sabbath Day, which is one of God’s top 10 commandments, for now it is a matter of individual conscience, per Romans 14?
I offer, even as a person with GID, that we must uphold the highest path as the highest path, but we must remove our own selves from judging God’s servants, stop insisting that others sacrifice their very lives fighting a single ‘sin’ that is ‘detestable’, and give them mercy.
Why keep provoking ‘war’ in the heart of men and women? Why not promote reconciliation according to their own individual conscience, per Romans 14?
There is so much more to Christianity than a life of conflict and battle. They are adult servants; they have a conscience; and God will make them to stand. Let them have peace and serve our Lord.
From Rev. John Smid’s PDF Understanding Homosexuality:
Therefore, Love In Action considers SSA itself, and all relationships based on SSA, to be the equivalent of the desire to cause harm (sin) to another person.
If that’s not the very definition of moral relativism, I don’t know what is.
Furthermore, I consider this inability to determine the difference between loving another person, with loving to harm another person, to be evil in itself.
You better believe I’m going to be intolerant of that position.
I had originally respond to the post above but it was deleted. No problem. I do want to commend Yuki Choe on a well-written article. She worked a long time on it and it went through a rigorous editing process, and it shows. Kudos.
To the commenter named “MW,” your comment is welcome and will be posted when you include a legitimate email address. The comment box asks for an email and we do require an honest response otherwise you would not be asked to give supply it. We do not use these unless we need to privately communicate with you concerning posting issues, and we never release them or share them, with anyone.
If you want to avoid rewriting the comment, just send your address to me at david@exgaywatch.com. We appreciate your participation.
I had a friend who when presented with his actions when he was an addict, couldn’t do anything but do everything in his power to blame others to take away from his own guilt. You can only do three things with guilt; accept it, reject it, or blame someone else.
Oh….man!
It’s already extremely arrogant for John Smid to make such a statement and sell it as truth and fact. “If we define homosexuality as an inborn characteristic or hormonal imbalance, there is no answer or hope.”
Right there, right THERE I can call him on how stupid and arrogant that statement is!
What he is not so cleverly doing is simply making an ASSUMPTION. And it’s from assumptions that so many opinons on homosexuality have flowed, including from the Bible.
And the rest of his statement is basically saying we don’t like the idea of homosexuality being inborn, so we’ll just call it whatever we want.
What?!
And he’s saying it as if it’s not something that’s been assumed and passed down for centuries. He’s saying such a thing as if he’s got irrefutable and undisputable facts on homosexuality.
And further, he sells his activity as so necessary and the ONLY hope for a happy life.
He’s also speaking as if all homosexuals are the same, got that way the same way or slight variations thereof.
What REALLY frosts me is that he could say that homosexuality as an inborn issue leaves a gay person without hope.
Puh leez!
Does it not occur to him that middlement are not necessary between gay folks and God?
And that it’s not GAY people who chose him to do so?
He’s SO clueless as to the needs of gay people he’s really counting on the needs of STRAIGHT people to get over to rid themselves of having to deal with gay people as they ARE, rather than what John Smid WISHES they were.
This isn’t absolutely NOT about what gay people need. It’s about what straight people want. And therein lies the meaning of what he’s doing.
The benefit is going in only ONE direction. And he has the gall to complain that gay people aren’t thanking him and giving him back pats for his outreach.
From the first part of his statement, he’s INSULTED gay people! And knowing that his aim is that gay people disappear is a deeper insult. Only a real arrogant **ss would expect gay people to be grateful, if not tolerate such things from the likes of him.
Each and every ex gay or supporter of these programs are looking for medals, applause, attention and more parents to freak over having a gay child.
The ANSWER, John Smid…is leave gay children ALONE!
You have NO idea WHAT they are about until you are there to learn from THEM to teach YOU and others, not the other way around.
Know what’s even MORE stupid? Being heterosexual is still rife with insecurity, dating problems, relationship missteps and incompatbility in other areas.
Why selling a sidestep into heterosexuality as so wonderful, STILL leaves those trying to be straight people unprepared for more than fifty percent of what heterosexuals struggle with.
DUH!
And NOT being yourself just sets you up for that failure from the git. Indeed, many heterosexual relationships fail because of that.
Maybe guys like him SHOULD be afraid of me. I wouldn’t let them off the hook, EVER. Whining about not being tolerated…you gotta be kidding me!
About that addiction thing. That has no resemblence to homosexuality and I really wish the ex gay supporters would stop approaching it like that.
Addictions have distinct RESULTS. VERY distinct. Addictions compromise and disqualify the individual eventually from functioning in every day life and self support.
And this is not an issue exclusive to gay or straight and those who are gay OR straight can also suffer from addictions.
I have found that the anti gay are simply ALL OVER THE MAP with the way they want to approach homosexuality and it’s always the wrong approach for that reason.
They say all at once that it’s an addiction, mental illness and choice…while at the same time that gay people are such slaves to it, it’s rational to discriminate against gay people in all areas of life, DESPITE competence, talent and full function within those areas.
Heterosexuals with an addiction are not discriminated against unless and until the results of their addictions prove to disqualify them from the aforementioned self and social support.
The anti gay haven’t made up their minds, they just throw everything out there, and define gay people by how OTHERS treat them.
How DUMB!
I dare ANY anti-gay person to look at my portfolio – http://www.pricklyportal.com – and declare me to be incompetent, dysfunctional, and talentless. 8) 😀
If John Smid understood WHY there are some of us who are intollerant and unsupportive of those who “change” from gay to straight.
For me personally, I have no problem with someone making their OWN decisions for their lives PROVIDED THAT they do not harm others. The ex-gay movement, as far as I can see, is all about harm.
1. Harm yourself by denying who you really are.
2. Harm your soul by saying it is an abomination to God unless you change your sexual orientation.
3. Harm your faith in God by worshipping a false god who is the god of heteroseuxality.
4. Harm the partner you had who stuck with you through better or worse by leaving them in order to appease the god of heterosexuality.
5. Harm the ones whom you have casual sex with as you put on a false mask parading around as a heterosexual while having sex in public bathrooms, parks, etc.
6. Harm the opposite sex person you marry to appease the heterosexual god by making him or her feel inferior and not fulfilled as a true mate.
7. Harm your children into teaching them to hate.
8. Harm others by spreading the message of hate – self hate, and hate toward “the others” aka the GLBT community.
9. Harm the LGBT community by false doctrines making God out to be some hideous monster who is bent on destroying homosexuals and by falsly using his Church and his message to do this.
10. Harm the Church by turning it from an institution of love and compassion into a Gay Inquisition headquarters.
I think most people TOLERATE other peoples choices. What we don’t TOLERATE is when one’s choices are then considered to be the ONLY CHOICE for everyone.
And as a Christian, the choice must be of free will, NOT BECAUSE I FEAR A GOD THAT WILL CHASTISE ME IF I PICK CURTAIN NUMBER 2 INSTEAD OF CURTIAN NUMBER 3.
Of all the ex-gay testimonies I have ever heard, all of them are out of fear – fear God will hate them if they don’t change, fear of being excluded or excommunicated from their families and/or churches, fear of being alone, fear of reprocutions from their friends, their bosses and fellow workers. I have never heard one ex-gay say that they “changed” simply because they loved themselves the way they are and they love God AND JUST CHOSE TO BE STRAIGHT BECAUSE THEY WANTED TO OUT OF THEIR OWN FREE WILL. And I doubt I ever will.
Did a Christian say that? That is the MOST UNCHRISTIAN THING i have heard in a long while. The confused and struggling and the ones who had really ugly things in their life was Christ’s target audience!
Does this Rev John Smid even own a Bible?? The least he can do is check one out from the public library (or go to a Super 8 and get a Gideon copy). Why do these sects make such a big stink about the Bible being the sole rule of faith if they don’t even read the darn thing?
P.S. EMILY … I love your work. You talented gay lesbian girl you! 🙂
Emily is very talented. Speaking as a left-brain man, I’m always amazed at such talent.
thanks you guys. didnt mean to get the thread too distracted, it just really rubs me the wrong way when i’m declared to be so “broken.” I can think of so many other things that would make me a “broken” person, and sexual orientation isn’t one of them.
Also, why is it lesbians aren’t mentioned among the sexually addicted broken pedophilic monsters? Does Smid mention us AT ALL??? where the hell are we in their diatribe? This ALSO rubs me the wrong way – in a big way.
I suspect there would be a stronger lesbian emphasis if Smid were a lesbian. As it is, they have lots of gay men going through there, telling their deepest sexual experiences and fantasies in small groups. Some stick around forever and become “counselors” while others leave and (hopefully) get on with their lives.
It sounds like the ultimate dysfunctional family, and Smid is daddy.
Alan S: I’ throw out a couple of more things for your list, which I think is excellent. This ex-gay thing is merely ideology, albeit a highly destructive one.
1) This ideology is destructive to straight people as well– Ted Haggard and families with gay members, to name just a few. Of course, they’re “not gay”, just the consequences of the ideology that gay=bad. Also, AIDS in black women has surpassed AIDS in gay men. It is linked to the number of black men who are “not gay” and having unprotected sex with other men, and then going home to infect their wives, and ultimately, their unborn children. Contrary what some black “preachers” are claiming, accepting homosexuality will do more for the health and security of the black family in general than all of the constitutional amendments “defending” marriage could have even in the magical world where such things are related.
This ideology is destructive for our country. We waste so much time and energy on the topic of homosexuality. The sad irony is that given the quality of people homophobes people insist on electing, fear of homosexuality will bring about our downfall, if indeed it led to the utter disaster known as the second term of George Bush.
And finally, this ideology is destructive for the world. Theirr focus on this subject, the stories they tell themselves about it, allow them to ignore untamed, unregulated, unconscious heterosexuality, which has produced (in no particular order of importance) consequences of over-population, dwindling resources, global warming, abortion, war, unwanted children, sexual slavery of unwanted children, family breakdown, refugees, pollution, and on and on and on and on. As a gay man, my sexuality is responsible and affirming.
Compared to all of these consequences, either what makes my dick hard, or the alleged status of my alleged soul — well, they just don’t seem all that important after all, do they?
Regan says (and wisely)”Does it not occur to him that middlement are not necessary between gay folks and God?
And that it’s not GAY people who chose him to do so?
He’s SO clueless as to the needs of gay people he’s really counting on the needs of STRAIGHT people to get over to rid themselves of having to deal with gay people as they ARE, rather than what John Smid WISHES they were.
This isn’t absolutely NOT about what gay people need. It’s about what straight people want. And therein lies the meaning of what he’s doing.
The benefit is going in only ONE direction. And he has the gall to complain that gay people aren’t thanking him and giving him back pats for his outreach?”
Regan: it’s not about gay people, and more and more, i think it never has been. It is about how much gay people bother some straight and wish-I-were straight people…nothing else.
Ben:
I’m sure, sad as it is, that there are more things to add to this list.
Jesus came into this world to heal it not harm it, and I am so tired of those who pose as Christ’s representatives harming others.
But by the same token I am grateful for all those who represent Christ’s true message who have been open to the Spirit to recognize our place in God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.
I think as Christians, we need to take back the Church and re-emphasize Christ’s true message found in the Gospel. I am so tired of seeing and hearing how Christ is mixed up in things that go against the very core of his message and his being.
I think those outside of Christianity need to do the same. They need to get back to the core of their faith.
So true!!!!!!
To hear the fundamentalistic evangelicals preaching, you’d think we were the root cause of everything. If that is the case, then I can’t wait for some wacko preacher claim that original sin was caused by Adam turning gay and Eve turning lesbian. That Cain killed Abel out of rivaling over the same man. That the flood was caused because of gays taking too many baths and kept forgetting to shut off the water. That the Tower of Babel was caused because gays were trying to build a phalic symbol.
Christ did not commission his apostles to go and find the faggot! He had a clear and precise mission, that, no matter how many drappings we may add on to our faith or none at all, the core message remains as clear as crystal: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Love God, and love your neighbor as yourself. Feed the hungry, cloth the naked, visited the imprisioned, etc. etc.
For 2,000 years plus some have gotten it and some have not. But when the ones who haven’t gotten it have power and influence, and change Christ’s message from “love” to “harm,” it has a sad consequence, and that consequence is that many people turn away from God. The gay community is not unique in this regard, but it certainly is not the least damaged by it.
I think the Rev. Smid’s own testimony sheds some interesting light on his views. I wrote about this on my blog awhile back.
Explore the mind of LIA’s John Smid in a rare video commentary “Homosexual Is Not A Noun”
Here in this video, Peterson Toscano talks further about the hurt, the harm and the damages Love In Action (LIA) had done to his parents and himself:
The Ex-Gay Movement Harms Parents